Wake Your Dream

By Annaliese SeabornSociety & Culture Health & Fitness Mental Health Education Self-Improvement Relationships

Wake Your Dream episodes

October 07128 - Help... I'm People-Pleasing Again!
Do you say yes when you really mean no? Annaliese and Alan talk about how to catch and help yourself when you find yourself people-pleasing. You might think it's just normal for you, that you "can't" make your own choice, or that the situation called for it. But people-pleasing behavior is something you have choices about, and you have more capability to navigate your life in ways that feel better with others and go better for you.
WHAT YOU'LL HEAR ABOUT:
Where it can start: People-pleasing habits usually begin in childhood, when we got messages that being ourselves could create disconnection or discomfort with other people. We learned to feel responsible for other people's moods and needs, and now we don't even question it. Does this track for you?
How to tune in: Practice noticing in the moment how your actions truly feel to you - are you acting in a way that feels aligned and "right" for you, or in a way that feels "off"? This deeper "knowing" shows you a way out.
Why it doesn't work: People-pleasing doesn't get you the protection and connection you're trying to get, because we can't control other people or what they give us. It's hard to learn, but you'll find a lot of the love and safety you're trying to get from others, you were made to give yourself.
PRACTICES:
What Helps You Let Go of People-Pleasing
You can't get the connection and safety you're after with people-pleasing. You can only get it by being your true self, and you can only be your true self if you begin validating and pouring into yourself for your own sake. The more you actively care for yourself and your experience in the moment, the more you open up to the love you want to give and be given.
Practice giving and receiving validation and love inside yourself. Look at who you are and what you bring as valuable. Celebrate what you contribute to people and to the moment.
Care about your own experience in the moment, not just others. Give yourself time to reflect on what you're experiencing, and offer yourself support to validate and connect with your own desire and value.
You're allowed to experiment. Disappointing other people sometimes needs to be okay. You get disappointed by others and can accept that, so they can accept you being a person too.
Check that you're not living in a double standard. Ask yourself: What do I really want to say here? What choice would make me admire how I showed up? Would I want this person to be honest with me?
How to Notice People-Pleasing
Actions motivated by staying socially "safe" and accepted, or by trying to prevent negative interactions and keep people from feeling negatively toward you.
Focusing only on what someone else needs, how they might react, or what they might experience, with no focus on your own experience or the impact of your actions on yourself.
Not being aware of what you experience around other people.
Your Free Coaching Call:
Have your own coaching session with Annaliese! Visit www.linktree.com/coachannaliese to schedule your FREE, 1-hour Discovery Chat. Share the change you're hoping to make, and Annaliese will help you gain helpful tips using what you already have to make it happen.

WANT MORE PEOPLE-PLEASING EPISODES?
Episode 16: People-Pleasing, Procrastination, and Prioritizing Yourself
https://wakeyourdream.podbean.com/e/16-people-pleasing-procrastination-and-prioritizing-yourself/

Episode 24: People-Pleasing: Why You Do It And How To Do It Less
https://wakeyourdream.podbean.com/e/24-people-pleasing-why-you-do-it-and-how-to-do-it-less/

Episode 25: Daily, Practical Ways To Stop People-Pleasing
https://wakeyourdream.podbean.com/e/25-daily-practical-ways-to-stop-people-pleasing/
38 min
September 23127 - Help... I'm In Perfectionism Again!
Annaliese and Alan talk about how to help yourself when you're finding yourself stuck in perfectionism again. Perfectionism can make you feel like you're being excellent, thorough, or dependable, and like if you don't do something perfectly then you're not doing things the "right" way. But if we don't notice this bait-and-switch, it ends up draining our energy. Learn how to catch more quickly when you're in this mode so you can help yourself swap out perfectionism in the moment for authentically doing your best in your life.
What You'll Hear About
Perfectionism acts like it will help you be your most excellent self, but it usually makes you feel like you have to remove more and more parts of yourself to fit in the perfection box. It's not making you a better you, it's making you less you.
Perfectionism fixates on performance. We think we need to do something flawlessly in order to be valuable, but the most supportive people in our lives would tell us our value is in us just being ourselves, not being flawless.
Perfectionism makes your inner life more chaotic, even if outwardly it looks like it's working great. It usually makes you feel paralyzed, suffocated, and trapped along the way, no matter what your external outcomes are.
No performance you do in the moment will ever control the outcomes you can't control. Your antidote is less about never doing perfectionism, and more about letting yourself be human again: accepting reality in the moment and giving yourself the kind of genuine support you can tell you need.
Practices:

Help Yourself Spot Perfectionism:
How do you feel as you're doing something, or about to do it? Notice and tend to your inner experience, just like you notice your outer experience. Is perfectionism actually giving you what it promises? Do you feel satisfied deep down, aligned, or peaceful?
Ruminating on mistakes: Notice if you keep repeating thoughts of mistakes, even perceived ones. Step out of this exhausting cycle by choosing a better-feeling thought, like "Mistakes are proof that I'm living my life" or "Mistakes give me data."
Resistance to experimenting, resting, creativity, etc.: Perfectionism sees curiosity and creativity as a threat to control. That's your clue to pause, take slow, deep breaths, and take charge of your moment again.
Avoiding acting on anything unless you feel mastery, certainty, or control: Perfectionism acts like a quality standard, but it stops you from trying much at all. Get curious about what might feel like a better standard for living your life more fully.
Simple Ways To Let Go Of Perfectionism:
Don't just intellectualize it. Knowing you can't be "perfect" is great, but also practice treating yourself more lovingly, gently, and supportively as you go through challenges or make mistakes.
Get curious about what perfectionism is trying to gain you or protect you from in the moment. Listen for the important reasons underneath so you can support yourself more effectively.
Life takes experimenting. Be willing to experiment. Notice where you struggle most with perfectionism, brainstorm thoughts and actions that truly serve you, and practice small. Think 2% better.
Get more regularly affirming of your own humanity. Practice gratefulness for your efforts, celebrate even your tiniest wins, and remind yourself this is your life to build, and you don't have to do it in ways that separate you from who you are!

Your Free Coaching Call
Have your own coaching session with Annaliese! Visit www.linktree.com/coachannaliese to schedule your FREE, 1-hour Discovery Chat. Share the change you're hoping to make in your life and Annaliese will help you gain helpful tips using what you already have to make them happen.
41 min
September 09126 - Help... I'm Overthinking Again!
Annaliese and Alan talk about how to help yourself when you get stuck in overthinking again. Overthinking is a pattern we can slip into when we might feel insecure, uncertain, out of control, or stressed and we're trying to "fix" something. Scrambling or withdrawing up into our heads to try to figure out life instead of living it out doesn't get us the security, protection, success, or resolution that we're trying to get! Here's how to step out of overthinking and into engaging with your life in ways that actually get you better results.
What You'll Hear About:
Get involved in your thought life. Don't just let it play.
You don't have to have all the answers in order to begin to respond to your thoughts — help your nagging questions feel seen and handled by you, one at a time.
Overthinking without interrupting it leads to building assumptions about life that you'll find aren't even be real or true.
Your perspective changes as you engage with reality in an active, outer way, not overplanning it in your head. What started in your head to protect you will just leave you feeling disconnected from your life if you don't pause it and actively try something else.
A great gateway out of overthinking is to physically write out whatever thoughts are piling in your head. This helps you "download" your thoughts instead of feeling crushed under the pile — you don't need to do anything with them yet.
What Do I Do When I'm Overthinking Again?
Notice when you reach for overthinking as a "tool." Get curious in the moment: Why am I reaching for overthinking here? What do I think overthinking is helping me gain, plan, figure out, or protect? What's my aim?
Stay curious about the questions spinning in your head. Notice if you're only letting your brain bring up questions without actually getting involved yourself — you'll recognize when the questions aren't feeling helpful anymore, just piling up.
You can't think your life. You need to live your life. Interrupt the spiral by engaging with your thoughts instead of generating more of them — answer the piled-up questions one at a time and sense the shift in your energy.
Overwhelm is made up of a combo of overthinking and underacting — so how can you take action on one or two of the thoughts that have piled up or are repeating in your head?
Your Free Coaching Call: Have your own coaching session with Annaliese! Visit www.linktree.com/coachannaliese to schedule your FREE, 1-hour Discovery Chat. Share the change you're hoping to make in your life and Annaliese will help you gain helpful tips using what you already have to make them happen.
40 min
August 26125 - Working With The Story In Your Head
Annaliese and Alan talk about becoming more aware of the stories playing in your head—the beliefs and thought patterns that are shaping and informing your emotions, expectations, relationships, and choices. Does it ever seem like the ways you think about yoruself and your life are automatically driving how you feel and what you do? Maybe you often find yourself thinking, “I’m the responsible one,” “Bad things always happen to me,” “I don’t need anyone,” or “Work has to be hard.” Listen in today to learn what you can do to begin to change the story and open the door to a better feeling life.
Your story helped you once, but maybe not now.
Many of our thought patterns developed when we were doing the best we could with the age, experiences, and circumstances we had.
Even an unhelpful story often began as an attempt at self-protection, self-reliance, or self-punishment (to try to prevent rejection from others).
You can approach those patterns with more gratitude, compassion, and softness while recognizing that you have more wisdom and capability you can bring to yourself today.
Every story is trying to help you.
Instead of immediately trying to “fix” your thoughts, get curious about what your story is trying to protect, prevent, produce, or punish - this shows you the kind of help you truly feel you need in the moment.
Your old way of helping yourself may not be the way you need or want to help yourself today. You can use the information you're learning from the old story as a way to put together a better story for yourself - lovingly, daily, and piece by piece.
Find and work with the story in your head.
Name your go-to story. Notice how it affects your mood, expectations, relationships, and sense of available choices.
Check in with your thought life. Ask, “Where are my thoughts right now? What’s my mood right now? Why?”
Pause before automatically reacting. Remind yourself: “I don’t have to do it this way. Just hang on a second…what would I rather choose?”
The goal isn't to create a perfect new story overnight. It's to become more aware, compassionate, and intentional so you can begin choosing thoughts and actions that better support the human you are and the life you truly value.

Your Free Coaching Call:
-Have your own coaching session with Annaliese! Visit www.linktree.com/coachannaliese to schedule your FREE, 1-hour Discovery Chat. Share the change you’re hoping to make in your life and Annaliese will help you gain helpful tips using what you already have to make them happen.
28 min
August 12124 - Your Life Is More In Your Control Than You Think
What does it really mean to take full ownership of your life? Annaliese and Alan share how it's not by having all the answers, forcing the "right" outcomes, or avoiding all uncertainty and chaos. Real control actually grows when you pay closer attention to how things are genuinely going inside you and around you, and posture yourself to remember you're the one capable and in charge of handling the choices, attitudes, and thoughts that are actually yours in the moment.
Why We Lose Our Sense of Agency
We tend to lose our sense of capability when we pour our energy into arguing with where we are, instead of focusing on what we can do and what we actually have in our hands to work with.
You already carry wisdom, clarity, and helpful ideas for yourself that you might be leaving on the table — you're invited to pause, breathe, and remember who you are.
Believing "I can't have that unless I have this" is the story that shapes what's limiting our relationship with life itself, and that often keeps you from stepping into your own birthright posture of agency.
What True Ownership Looks Like
It's a balance of accepting reality and honoring the real wisdom of how life works, while reminding yourself you have the capability and authority to make your next choice.
Full ownership is reminding you your mistakes and your wins matter — your missteps are often a guide for clarity, showing you exactly what's making a plan miss the mark.
Choosing humility over self-blame — "This is my mistake, I'm getting in my own way here" — opens up the empowering next step: "If I contributed to this, I can also contribute to repairing it." If you never own the mistake, you won't feel clarity or empowerment for a better choice!
Practices to Try
Slow down and actually reflect on your choices: Does this feel constructive? Authentic? Fearful or limiting? Is it bringing more balance, or pulling you off track?
Position yourself as a loving guide and owner of your life, not a manager or police officer of your own behavior — get curious instead of controlling.
Meet regret or guilt with care and curiosity: "What do I wish I'd done? What might I try differently next time?" You may even find you're proud of how you handled something, imperfections and all.
Return often to your focusing question: "Does this feel constructive?" — Use this as a simple, honest check-in that shows you what to keep and what to change.
33 min
July 29123 - Handling Your Own Reactive Moments Better
Annaliese and Alan dig into what it really looks like to handle your emotional reactions live — in real time, not just after the fact. If you've ever felt regret or guilt over how you reacted, maybe even disappointed in yourself for not acting like the person you want to be, this episode is for you. The surprising thing is, you don't have to "fix" your feelings first in order to handle them better.

PRACTICING REACTING LESS:
We take blame too far, too fast, when we're in a reactive moment — but there are ways to handle it that honor who we truly are. You can't force power, safety, or control back into a moment, but you can reclaim a little more of it by practicing pausing before you act. Start this transformational experiment for yourself with these three tools:
Slow down, stop, hold. Pause before you act. Hold your body in place — it signals safety to yourself instead of leaving yourself alone and frantic in the discomfort.
Notice your Stress Scale. Name your emotion and rate the intensity 1–5. You can't skip it, but naming and listening to it helps you move through it.
Use the "micromoment" you have. Make a circle with your hand and look at it — a physical reminder that you have one micromoment before you act, and you get to take charge of it. It's yours to use differently.
THE MAGIC QUESTION:
-How would someone handle this reactive moment in a way I admire?
Your answer will show you your own wisdom. It points you back toward what matters to you — without "having to" turn against yourself, the other person, or the situation.
Book your own free 1-hour Discovery Chat: www.linktree.com/coachannaliese - Share what you're hoping to make change in and Annaliese will help you gain helpful tips to use what you already have to make progress!
31 min
July 15122 - Why Noticing And Awareness Are Key For Growth
Annaliese and Alan talk about a simple but powerful truth: real change doesn't start with a plan — it starts with noticing. Before you can set a goal, break a habit, or shift a relationship pattern, you need honest awareness of where you actually are, what you're feeling, and what you're working with right now. Listen in to explore how practicing your own skill of noticing — and continuing to practice it throughout your journey — helps you stay connected to your real discernment and choices as you make changes. By using your own muscile of noticing, you'll build awareness to help your way be smoother and more aligned, and help yourself feel more confident and effective as you meet your goal.

The Value Of Noticing What You Notice
It shows you, at any moment, your feelings, thoughts, and the story in your head. This helps you:
Support yourself better
Give yourself space to actually discern where you're spending your energy
Give yourself the ability to experience slowness and safety along the way of meeting your goal or making your change, so you don't go into survival mode as you pursue it

Practicing Noticing and Awareness as Step One Of Your Plan
You matter in this process of meeting your goal. Your goal or change is supposed to be there to serve you, not the other way around. Being willing to use more of your primary energy — the energy you'd normally spend pushing toward a goal — toward noticing your inner world and the experience you're having in the moment helps you also get honest about motivation. When you're trying to manufacture motivation to push through and stick with the plan, you might really need to feel more connection with yourself in the moment. Here's how:
1. Slow down.
2. Learn to find your antenna and point it inward instead of out.
3. Stop and listen first to your own answer and wisdom for you.

Simple Noticing Practice: Re-posture + Re-prioritize
Re-posture — What's my position in myself?
Am I being intentional about my choice? Am I leaning too far forward, mainly driving/striving? Am I leaning too far back, mainly avoiding/procrastinating? Am I standing in charge of my next step?
Re-prioritize — Am I letting my own experience matter right now?
Am I willing to re-order my day if I notice something I need to be different? Am I letting myself change my mind, as I discern? Am I giving myself permission to choose the priorities I'll attend to as needed?
* Ready to apply this in your own life? Schedule your own free 1-hour Discovery Chat with Annaliese at linktree.com/coachannaliese to begin to tackle your changes or create a goal plan that actually has a chance to work for you.
31 min
July 01121 - ENCORE Episode 6: How Differences Help Your Marriage
Annaliese and Alan unpack how personality differences and unmet needs impact the way couples connect — and why showing up as your true self is one of the most powerful things you can do for your marriage. If you've ever felt tempted to shrink, guess, or assume the worst about your partner's intentions, this conversation offers a grounded and more deeply connected way forward.
You'll Hear About:
Why being honest and real — even when it's uncomfortable — is the most reliable long-term strategy for a marriage that thrives
How your partner can actually become a catalyst for your personal growth when you choose curiosity over assumption. Instead of trying to read their mind or treating differences as opposition, learn to practice asking questions and staying even 2% more open
How to reframe the traits in your partner that sometimes feel like friction points and recognize them as the strengths that you genuinely depend on
Your Free Coaching Call:
Ready to apply this in your own relationship? Schedule a FREE 1-hour Discovery Chat with Annaliese at www.linktree.com/coachannaliese. Share your story and walk away with practical, personalized tools for real change.
Practice This Week:
When disagreements or incompatibilities show up, lean into honest, curious, open communication. Try saying: "I don't usually say this part to you, and it might come out messy because I'm still figuring out how to put it into words — but here goes."
59 min
June 17120 - Letting The Moment Find You
Annaliese and Alan talk about what shifts when you stop fighting or just drifting through the moment and start opening up to it. Life has a way of showing you insights in whatever the moment holds, and sometimes when you least expect it. But to really connect with those insights takes a new practice of being open and listening deeper to what you’re experiencing right now, in and around you. Learn to let your life get your attention and support you in surprising ways, whatever you’re going through.
What You'll Hear About:
The "Life Just Happens to Me" Trap When you're caught in a reactive mindset, you pour all your energy into controlling what you can't control — and it leaves you anxious and exhausted. Learning to open back up to your present-moment experience helps you recognize what you actually have in your hands right now. The moment has something to show you, and it's worth paying attention.
Finding Clarity Through Awareness You gain real direction for your life when you stay curious about your moment-to-moment experience. Notice what makes you feel intimidated or embarrassed, where you need support, and what brings you deep meaning and joy. Life plays out in moments — and staying open to them helps you feel more fully like yourself.
Practices to Try:
Reality-Based Meditation — This is where you try to just let your present moment happen and unfold. Let it show you whatever it's bringing with it. Sometimes it's frustrating or scary to look at, or hard to slow down enough to listen to, but letting yourself open up to listen and see and hold what the moment is giving you will help you feel steadier and more connected with your life.
Let the Wave Come to You — "What we resist persists." When you're in the ocean and a wave is coming your way, you instinctively want to back out and swim away, or maybe you try to stand your ground and fight it till it's over. If you fight it or avoid it, you find it will just crash and crush and pressure you harder, getting chaotic and probably end up dragging you with it. Wisdom tells you you can try a new way — letting yourself stay and face it, finding a calmness or willingness in you to go toward it and move with it, instead of against it.
The Serenity Prayer —
God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Your Free Coaching Call:
-Have a coaching session with Annaliese for yourself! Visit www.linktree.com/coachannaliese to schedule your FREE, 1-hour Discovery Chat. Share what you're working through and what you want to gain, and Annaliese will help you learn helpful tips to make real changes in your life with exactly what you have already.
26 min
June 03 119 - Midlife: Crisis Point or Check Point?
Annaliese and Alan talk about what it feels (and what it takes!) to approach the midlife experience. Midlife confronts us with the quality of the life we’ve been living and pursuing. You’ll hear about the stereotypes that can feel real, but there are bigger invitations and growth that hide underneath the changes that midlife brings with it.

You’ll Hear About:
-Midlife reveals the gaps. There are ways you’re used to being or acting or feeling that have just seemed normal, but when you begin to experience that midlife point you might be realizing “Oh wow, I can’t just skip or hack or ignore this anymore.” You’ll realize you need to establish a brand new set of skills or gain new tools. You might not feel as capable, and notice that you’ll probably need to practice acceptance more than you ever have before.
-Midlife brings change with it. Both internally and externally, . It can feel like the ground is shifting under your feet, because life begins to feel less steady and certain, and you’ll either blame the changes on your circumstances or age or you’ll face and identify what you actually want to begin focusing on and valuing in your life.

Your Free Coaching Call:
-Have a coaching session with Annaliese for yourself! Visit www.linktree.com/coachannaliese to schedule your FREE, 1-hour Discovery Chat. Share your own story thoughts and Annaliese will help you gain useful tips and perspective to see what you already have in your hands to make real changes in your life.

Resources:

CORE VALUES
Wake Your Dream Podcast Episodes to Anchor You in Midlife:
41: Core Values Part 1: Bring Yourself More Joy
https://wakeyourdream.podbean.com/e/41-core-values-part-1-bring-yourself-more-joy/

42: Core Values Part 1: Bring Yourself More Direction
https://wakeyourdream.podbean.com/e/42-core-values-part-2-bring-yourself-more-direction/

MIDLIFE REFLECTION QUESTIONS:
Midlife brings unavoidable changes and a perspective change about reality. When we’re going through this time, we need to develop new awareness of ourselves and a better understanding of what we’re now needing to wrestle with in this season. When I feel the crisis in what I’m experiencing and noticing… will I give myself the chance to use it as a checkpoint to show me where I need to switch gears, learn a new perspective, or drop a “normal” routine that’s just not serving me? Let’s equip ourselves with curiosity, openness, and recognition of your core values, so you can find better and more supportive ways to handle our new struggles and discomfort and questions with empowerment and willingness to grow.
Midlife points out gaps.
It’s showing me what I’m used to relying on to bring me comfort or success in my routine or in my personality. And when our outer world changes in ways we can’t avoid or control, it’s important to have solid anchor points and understanding we’re building in our inner world that we can go to to give us the stability and consistency we need as we navigate life’s unavoidable changes.
Question 1: When you think about the routines, roles, or strengths you've leaned on most heavily — which ones are you clinging to out of habit or fear rather than because they're actually still working for you?
Question 2: If your inner world (emotions, beliefs, spirituality, identity, etc.) had to lead you right now — without the external structures of routines, relationships, or accomplishments that usually hold you up — what would you discover about what's genuinely solid for you versus what's been just masks or defenses or performance to meet expectations you don’t truly value?
Question 3: What's one thing your midlife experience seems to keep nudging you to accept about yourself that you've been quietly dismissing as "not really me" — and what might it mean that it keeps showing up anyway?

Midlife brings change with it.
Life’s changes will come to us, in this season, in a way that we can’t avoid. This can trigger fears and anger and a lot of discomfort inside us. Notice where you might be trying to distract yourself
Midlife is an experiential reminder that life will continue to be out of your control and it will continue to be something you need to navigate. So this is a check point that you can still learn and expand into new and more supportive ways to do life.
Question 4: When discomfort, fear, or anger shows up around a change you didn't choose, what's your most instinctive go-to for escaping or handling it — and what might that default reaction be costing you in terms of real growth?
Question 5: If you were to treat this season of change as a curriculum designed specifically for you, what would the recurring themes suggest you most benefit from learning or finally facing and addressing or accepting?
Question 6: Where in your life right now are you spending the most energy trying to control or resist what's already shifting — and what might it feel like to get genuinely curious and more open-handed to engage with that change instead of fighting it?
35 min

About Wake Your Dream

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Join Annaliese Seaborn, Certified Professional Life Coach, on this bi-weekly podcast as she talks with her husband Alan about growth, how your brain works, and how to make shifts in your thoughts and…

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