We interrupt our regularly scheduled garbage to take a pointless detour through someone's comic book-inspired fever dream on this week's episode of Riverdale. We get bite-size morality tales featuring headless basketball players, jungle leprosy, what was ALMOST a Spiderwoman origin story, and a menage a trois that's a real side-splitter (WINK WINK). This episode was a waste of time, but our recap is NOT, so let us get you caught up in a much less painful way so we're all ready to tackle more serious issues next week! (But probably not.)

Don’t forget to rate and subscribe!