I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

There are two genres of triangle movies: Bermuda and love. This movie is neither. We're creating a third genre with this one, and we're calling it...the intersection of geometry and mythology...mythometry? Triangle is a three-sided, isosceles nightmare with a side of seagulls, so if you are looking for a story with a triumphant good-defeats-evil ending...look elsewhere.

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Perhaps some killer undies to go with your killer jeans? We're following up our Slaxx throwback with a brand new review of this 2025 Tubi release (originally filmed NOT in 2025 and likely forgotten about for years for reasons we will make clear), KILLER THONG! This panty fantasy was a full-on acid trip for the ages, featuring an illegal amount of leopard-print clothing and baffling "surrealism" that will make you say, hey...I wonder if I could be a lesbian too?

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It's Spooky Season, y'all! We're kicking it off with an old favorite from the Halloween archives, and this one ages like acid-wash denim. Slaxx is a delightfully hilarious and surprisingly political horror movie that might just scare the pants off of you. Stay tuned for more absurdity and stabby stabs this October as we count down the days to Halloween!

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As the world prepares to watch Alexander Skarsgard take on yet another absolutely unhinged movie role, let us remember him before he was a wicker basket -- as a man who played one of the most pathetic, spineless characters in cinema history. Infinity Pool rubbed us in ALL the wrong ways. What started as a fascinating morality tale curdled (like breast milk) into something uncomfy and gross. Wicker husband would NEVER.

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If haunted islands aren't your ideal summer vacation destination, how about a derelict barn AirBnB just down the hill from a structurally unsound farmhouse inhabited by some creepy/sexy old people? There's a lovely swamp for swimming that is definitely NOT filled with alligators, and if you're lucky, you might get to be an extra in a porn movie!

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Even though the summer is coming to a close, there's still enough time left for one more vacation! May we interest you in a deserted island with an abandoned hotel haunted by a "half-face girl" that we never actually see? What is a "half face" anyway? Which half is missing? This movie fails to answer that and MANY more questions.

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This is the movie they should be showing high school kids to get them to stay away from drugs because YIKES. An addiction to "pixie dust" turns what we assume was once a normal human man into a homicidal psychopath with (inexplicably) a robot voice and a real bad case of eczema, who is bent on winning his old girlfriend Wendy back from the lamest (ha! you'll get that pun later) version of Peter Pan you've ever met. Hook wraps up our #StephenStaleySummer, and we hope you had as much fun as we did!

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Without further ado, we present to you yet another reptilian treasure -- Snake Hotel. Imagine Squid Games with a North Korean(?) twist and just a pinch of "sensual mommy" issues, and you're halfway to what this one is all about. And don't let the action-packed movie poster fool you...this one was a bit of a slithery slog.

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It's another wild ride this week deep in the throes of our #StephenStaleySummer as we find out what happens when you accept free plastic surgery from a "doctor" with a vagina for a face. Spoiler alert: it's gross, and it involves old lady bjs (yes, that part surprised us, too). Come for the demonic seances, but stay for the third act plot twist you WON'T see coming!

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Sticking with our theme of murderous scaly friends, we now present you with Dinosaur Prison, and if you're asking yourself if the dinosaurs are the guards or the inmates...it's kind of both? It's complicated. But don't worry, Willy Wonka will explain everything (i.e. nothing). We're afraid to say more here because this prison break is something that needs to be seen to be believed, so join us as we continue #StephenStaleySummer and our #JusticeforJames campaign by covering this misunderstood beast.

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