I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

Welcome to #JusticeforJames #StephenStaleySummer! We are kicking things off with exclusive coverage of the most anticipated wedding of the summer. If you thought Taylor Swift was throwing the best wedding party this weekend, you could not be more wrong and if you disagree, you can take it up with our new best friend, the crocodile lurking in the shadows of an old English manor just waiting to spoil a bride's day.

This week begins our official quest for #JUSTICE with a look back at Cinderella's Revenge, an alarmingly violent re-telling of the classic fairytale starring our best boy James as Elon Musk. Okay, "starring" may be overstating things, but at least he didn't get his nuts crushed in this one. Next week, we're rolling out a whole month of JAMES, and our fingers are crossed that his testicles are still intact by the end of it.

We know what you're thinking..."But Dawn & Lisa, Christmas is 6 months from now!" Well, guess what. #JusticeforJamesJuly starts in 2 weeks, and this is where it all began. In case you missed it, we watched this delightful holiday slasher in 2023, and we were gobsmacked and horrified by the senseless violence against good guy James by the titular nutcracker. So gobsmacked and horrified, in fact, that we have made it part of the mission of our podcast to get justice for James by viewing as many of his other ridiculous B-movies for our show as possible. So buckle up, because we are about to go on a journey with James!

Happy Summer, y'all! It's time to head on down to those white sandy beaches and get ate by a mysterious sand-dwelling jellyfish monster! Get in the seasonal spirit with our reflections on classic sci-fi adventure, The Sand, and maybe think twice about attending those crazy beach parties with "Vegas rules."

We just reviewed Yorgos Linthimos' recent film, Bugonia, but if you were wondering what this man's other films look like, we have some great news for you. We covered Mr. Linthimos' 2017 (failed) attempt at cinematic mastery, and we're bringing it back out of the vault for your entertainment. The Killing of a Sacred Deer is one of those movies you just can't forget, for all the wrong reasons. So if you were disappointed by how little hate we were giving Yorgos in our discussion about Bugonia, this throwback episode is for you!

If there is anything we are "Abel" to say with certainty after viewing this cinematic disaster, it is that The Weeknd must be stopped. Hurry Up Tomorrow is a hate crime against all human beings, and this is our official public plea to Barry Keoghan and Jenna Ortega to EXPLAIN THEMSELVES. Save yourselves the torture and let us tell you why this movie was nominated for multiple Razzies this year.

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Some surprising takes this week on what we assumed would be a hot, hot mess. A drastic improvement over our last encounter with Yorgos Lanthimos (check out Ep. 133 - The Killing of a Sacred Deer), Bugonia has made us question everything. What is real?? Is the Earth actually flat?? Who REALLY shot JFK?? Are the reptilians actually in charge of our government (honestly, preferable)?? Join us down the rabbit hole this week so you can have a little existential crisis of your own!

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You know we're always down for a shark movie, but this one wasn't exactly noteworthy. Despite some nifty CGI effects and concerted attempts to show you what it looks like when the entire Atlantic Ocean invites itself over for dinner, Thrash is missing something but we can't put our fins on it...

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The wait is over! The lost episode is here! We FINALLY get around to expressing our thoughts and feelings on The Girl in the Pool, and was it worth the wait? You tell us.

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Well, friends, we’ve done it. We’ve reached a new low. In our 200 episodes, we have never seen ANYTHING quite like this, and with any luck, we never will again. The only thing more annoying than pickleballers talking about how much they love pickleball is this absolute disaster of a motion picture. With about 5 mediocre actors carrying a tissue-thin plot, The Pickleball Exorcist wastes no time, money, or effort bothering to make this thing watchable. We can only assume it was filmed on a 1999 Kyocera VP-210 by an individual with unlimited access to Party City’s excess inventory of severed body parts, because there is no other reasonable explanation for what just happened here. After this painful experience, we may hang up our jaunty Panama hats and switch careers to become part-time exorcists/moonlighting homicide detectives because frankly, it seems like a sweet gig. Happy Pickleball Month to everyone except the morons who made this movie!

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