It’s finals week and Melody has had a bit too much coffee.

Melody

Hello Manticores! My name is Melody Martin and it is finally FINALS WEEK. Have you all been studying? Because I have! I’ve been up for the past 48 hours trying to study! But I couldn’t leave you guys hanging, so I brought my best friend coffee with me to get me through the show!

I’m the only one in the studio right now, so I don’t have anyone to give me any news. The school has been pretty quiet over the week because everyone’s been studying because it’s finals week. Yup, it’s finals week. Have I said that already?

Now that i think about it “pretty quiet” is a weird phrase. Quiet doesn’t have a physical appearance, so how can it be pretty? Unless there was a person named Quiet and they were pretty, but I don’t think that’s what the phrase means. good thing this won’t be on one of my final exams!

Speaking of finals, I’m petrified of mine! The written ones should be fine. Like my Myths & Truths class. Guess what – unicorns aren’t even real! Even in the magical world, they’re a myth. Crazy, right? But Hercules – that dude totally existed. I am going to ace this test.

But I have a problem, listeners. My mentor has assigned the stupidest final I can think of. She wants me to sing the school anthem at the end-of-quarter assembly next week. Is she crazy? I could kill everyone! She seems to think I won’t, but I’m terrified. I’ve had no trouble singing in front of her recently, and she’s even brought in a few other people for me to sing to, but the whole school? I can’t do that. No way.

But if I don’t, I’ll fail my final, which automatically means a failing grade in that class. It’s such bull, asking me to endanger my classmates for a test. My mentor is confident that I can pass, which is why she’s making me do it, but what does she know? She never accidentally sung her boyfriend to death. Sure, he’s fine now, but that doesn’t change the past. Well, it does, but it doesn’t change how I feel about the past. This is so stupid.

But look at me, talking about myself! I know you guys hate that. I’m going to check the chatroom now.

Hmm, this comment from Yoshiko Rye seems familiar for some reason. “You better lose yourself in the music, the moment you want it, you better never let it-” Hey, this is an Eminem song. What are you trying to do? make me sing?

Yoshiko just posted “trolololo”. that was mean, yoshiko. I could’ve hurt someone.

Darryl March-Marc-Marchand is wondering if I’m okay. I’m totally fine. I have coffee. Coffee is the fuel of greatness. I am totally going to ace my finals thanks to coffee. Well, except the singing one, but whatever. You all should do something about that. Like make a petition or something. It worked last time. Otherwise, I might accidentally kill you when I sing, and that would suck for both of us.

Crap, I’m out of coffee. Gotta get more. Be right back

Okay, I’m back with coffee. I also have a guest for today’s show! I found her in the hallway.

HALEY

Um, hello.

MELODY

Okay, so who are you again?

HALEY

My name is Haley [redacted] and I’m part-elf. And I’m not sure why I’m here.

MELODY

Because I need a guest for every show, silly. It wouldn’t be a complete program without you.

HALEY

Oh, okay. So…do you want to interview me about something?

MELODY

Sure, sure. How are your feelings about coffee?

HALEY

I don’t actually drink coffee.

MELODY

WHAT? How are you even awake right now?

HALEY

Well…I slept last night.

MELODY

Crap, I should’ve thought about that.

HALEY

I take it your studying isn’t going well.

MELODY

No, it’s gone perfectly. I’m going to ace all my tests and then I’ll be the one laughing.

HALEY

No one here is laughing…

MELODY

Of course they are! The little birds flying around your head are laughing.

HALEY

Melody, there aren’t any birds…

MELODY

Really? I must be getting tired. Time for more coffee.

HALEY

I don’t think-

MELODY

-Don’t think I’ve had enough coffee? Don’t worry, I’ve had enough. More than enough, maybe. No, who am I kidding? You can never have enough coffee.

HALEY

Maybe you should go to the nurse.

MELODY

What? Leave in the middle of my show? Now who’s talking crazy?

HALEY

It’s just…you’re shaking all over.

MELODY

So? shaking isn’t necessarily bad. People shake when they’re cold to warm up. maybe I’m just cold.

HALEY

It’s 68 degrees in this studio.

MELODY

How do you know that?

HALEY

My elf senses tell me so.

MELODY

Whatever. Maybe 68 degrees is cold to me. Maybe you’re elf senses register celsius instead of farenheit.

HALEY

If it was 68 degrees celsius in here, you would definitely not feel cold.

MELODY

I don’t need to take this from you. I’m totally fine. You know what, I’m so fine, that I’m going to go study. See you- *passes out on the ground*

HALEY

Oh no! Um, can someone send a nurse to the radio studio? Melody’s fainted. She doesn’t appear to have injured herself on the way down, but she should probably get medical attention regardless. She’ll be fine in a bit, I’m sure, but for now I think her program today will need to come to an end. How does she usually sign off? Let me see…until good week, Manticores, and next night. no, that doesn’t sound right…well, I’m going to turn the mic off now, so goodbye.