Was the Sonic movie great? Why does Michael Bloomberg insist on pretending to be a human being? Would Chris, Derrick, and Sweeny ever become e-bois and show some skin on OnlyFans? Why do Americans watch child beauty pageants outside of Epstien's house parties? Are we alcoholics? Probably. Why is Spongebob more iconic than the Simpsons?

All this and more on this unusually political episode of The Snark Tank!