We're in the new studio. There's a gravy hot tub. Dog arses on the wall. It's exactly what you'd expect.

This week: Roman Abramovich arrives at Stamford Bridge, bans the colour red, turns up to training in full kit demanding a kickabout, and has £40,000 worth of sushi flown to Azerbaijan by private jet, despite his mate literally being poisoned in a sushi restaurant. We try Japanese snacks in his honour.

We also blind rank ten types of fart. Scientifically.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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