Jim's away (a car crashed into his hotel room, he's fine), so it's just the two of us this week with absolutely nothing planned.

We get into: the friend who makes birthday cards out of ready meal sleeves and why it's better than anything Clintons could sell you, the ex who owned two knives, two forks and two cups and wouldn't allow a bath mat, resulting in a miniature one being smuggled in and out of the flat in a backpack for months, and what genuinely gives you the ick.

Plus TK Maxx as a cultural institution, the discovery of Booths, why being tucked into your napkin at a fancy restaurant feels like being put to bed, the Halloween party where one of us was saved in a phone as Toilet Woman, and a speed awareness course workaround so elaborate it might be the most ADHD thing ever committed to tape. Allegedly.

The Depressed CEO Podcast, new episodes every week.

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The side of it nobody's talking about, because one of us lives with a Rockstar employee and Dave got a bit of heat for cheering the leaker on. It's not the suits who lose out when the stock drops.

Also this week: the theory that Gen Z have taken up birdwatching purely to endear themselves to boomers and usurp millennial inheritance, a full and entirely necessary deep dive into the origins of the name Dave (including the fact that in the mid 70s, 1 in 10 girls were apparently called Dave), and a Welsh cake speed eating challenge that nearly claimed a tooth.

Millennial parents: the name Dave is dying. Please consider. What a difference a Dave makes.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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This week we go through the five most unhinged patents ever filed. We also invent our own!

Plus: are we slowly googling ourselves to death, the conspiracy about data centres and where all the water is really going, why a man in America got arrested for collecting rainwater, the app that tracks billionaires' private jets, and Lay's creamy forest mushroom crisps divide the room completely.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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We go back to 1901 where JP Morgan buys Carnegie Steel for $480 million without spending a penny of his own money and creates the world's first billion dollar company. Then to the 60s, where a cockroach extermination company gets killed by a corporate cockroach. Then to Red Lobster, where a private equity firm sells the land under every restaurant for $1.5 billion, charges them rent on their own buildings, and forces them into a $20 bottomless shrimp deal that loses $11 million in a single quarter. The papers said competitive eaters killed it. They didn't.

Also: why there are no crazy inventors anymore, why Bluetooth is still rubbish in 2026, dentists as the new big pharma, French mustard crisps, and the Creature of Kelham

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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This week we're breaking down private equity and asset stripping, how a firm can buy a company using almost none of its own money, saddle that company with the debt, sell the land out from under it, charge it rent on its own building, drain the pension pot, and walk away richer while everyone who worked there loses everything.

Also: Kendal Calling and the family with the lucky Baby Bell, why Nolan films are getting too loud, Jamie Oliver banning chewing gum, supermarkets changing prices in real time, and whether you were a Teletubbies real-world-segment kid or not.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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Jacqueline Gold walks into a boardroom of men in 1981 and pitches the idea of Ann Summers parties. One man stands up and tells her women don't even like sex. Her dad is the only one who backs her.

We debate whether it's acceptable to poo on arrival at a dinner party and Fran decided to host a fun little party game based around Sex Toy Reviews!

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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Meet Dandy Kim. Blackmailer, gun runner, horse wanker, water ski school operator, and the man who stole sensitive documents from Jack Warner's safe that were never disclosed but were apparently enough to get his jail sentence cut in half and the money written off entirely.

We cover the sexual revolution of the 60s, the invention of the mini skirt, why the male contraceptive pill was abandoned, how a woman's name was borrowed without proper consent to launch Britain's most famous sex shop, and why a postal strike nearly killed the whole thing before it started.

Also: Dave has an absolutely horrible morning involving a white Land Rover, a wet egg, two pairs of glasses and a dog with a bone.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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Jamie Oliver goes to war with the Turkey Twizzler on national TV. Sales triple the week after. Farm workers are caught playing baseball with live turkeys. Bird flu arrives from a forbidden corner of Hungary, and a suspicious wrapper turns up in a bin.

Count Binface, conspiracy theories, why every millennial woman wanted to be a marine biologist, Gen Z emotions with Dave, and Pete's Loft Goth Removal Services.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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This week we're diving into the gloriously bizarre story of Bernard Matthews. Turkey eugenics, the invention of the turkey roast joint, a 27-year advertising campaign built on one word, and how he made the equivalent of £38.5 million in eight days.

David gets a tooth snapped in half by a dentist called Jaguar, we discuss our first celebrity crushes, Jodie Marsh gets the academic treatment she deserves, and Father Jiminy Cricket delivers a prayer against Argentina.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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It's the end of an era. Roman Abramovich gets poisoned in Ukraine, his £5 billion in assets get frozen overnight, and two superyachts worth nearly a billion pounds go on the run to Turkey in a real-life Grand Theft Auto chase.

Also: we try blowjob mints, debate electric cars, dive into local Facebook group drama, celebrate the World Cup with a Lay's crisp sandwich, and Dave gets a cake in the face on day one of the new studio after losing a Frankfurter vs Bratwurst quiz.

Billionaires can do whatever they want. And it's absolutely fine.

The Depressed CEO Podcast — new episodes every week.

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Thanks for listening make sure you follow us on our socials. Sign up to our Patreon where members get an exclusive extra monthly episode plus bonus content.

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Patreon:

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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.