Most of us want to feel an emotional connection with the person we’re dating. If things feel as bland as a piece of dry toast, your relationship is not likely to last.

But sometimes we cross the line into Drama Central, where we expect every exchange to be a heated declaration of emotional connection, a confession of vulnerability, trials or deep dark secrets. 

We sometimes bond over our traumas and life’s tribulations, especially if we didn’t have the most amazing upbringing, and so many of us didn’t. 

It’s easy to wind up telling men things we shouldn’t and/or allowing them to use our dates as therapy sessions.

It all feels so intense, like you’re really bonding and creating a meaningful connection but this is not healthy.

Want proof? Think about the last few relationships you had emotional intensity in. All the fireworks, passion and drama. The confessions of feelings, all the stuff.

What happened? Where are these guys now? Did those emotional experiences create the lasting bond you were hoping for?

What wins the day in healthy relationships are consistent, predictable connections over time. Having someone in your life who is responsible, someone you can count on.

Now think about your best friend. Do you have crazy emotional intensity with them? 

It’s unlikely that you do. You’re more likely to describe a stable relationship where you feel safe, heard, and understood.

Our nervous systems don’t respond well to constant upheaval and constant upheaval doesn’t create healthy relationships.

When it comes to a healthy relationship, slow and steady wins out over fast and intense. If your relationships tend to go up in smoke pretty much before they begin, this might be why.

Instead of focusing on intensity, try getting to know new men gradually and letting the connection build.It will feel weird at first, but this is how a healthy connection develops.

If this resonates with you, click here to apply for a call with me where we’ll create your very own custom man plan to help you get into the kind of relationship you really want.