In what is ostensibly Riverdale's horniest season yet, no one in this damn town can seem to get laid. Betty and Veronica are trying their hardest and FINALLY get their "beaus" to take them out on dates, but Archie and Reggie are so obsessed with talking about cars with one another, it's a big fat waste of time (ours, too). Meanwhile, Cheryl is begging Toni to just spend some time with her, and spoiler alert - that's not going well either. At least the Milkman investigation is picking up because we need somewhere to channel all this energy and we're obviously can't count on these other idiots to deliver. P.S. Happy (belated) Global Milk Day! Pour one out for our favorite new serial killer, THE MILKMAN!

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