We're back with more Riverdale, and Riverdale is back with more meaningless musical numbers crowbarred in where they don't belong and examples of extremely abusive parenting that should be prosecuted by a governing authority but are instead "resolved" with a stern lecture! But it's fine because we ALSO get...absolutely nowhere with the Milkman investigation. Plus, we get an answer to question we've all been asking: who has the biggest dick in Riverdale???

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