Today, I am really excited to share with you all my conversation with my very special guest, Shay Dominguez, about her journey breaking free from the confines of her small town in Illinois to become a comedian, rapper, and workshop host in Los Angeles and eventually Atlanta. Hers is such an important story to hear, especially since it can inspire others to abandon secrets (and the desire to hide parts of ourselves) that no longer serve them. Together, we explore the notion that 'the sooner you realize you're not going to be for everyone, the closer you are to freedom', and the transformational role this concept has played in Shay's life. Shay opens our conversation by detailing her comedy career, her experience at Upright Citizens Brigade and The Groundlings, and the subsequent burnout that turned her towards a rap career. She provides context by discussing her childhood knowing she was gay at seven and not coming out for just over a decade. She details the rather traumatic experience that is being punished for being gay. This issue led her to transfer colleges, face underlying insecurities, and feel like a burden in romantic relationships. After graduating as an athlete with a marketing degree, her improv career and the consistent practice that the industry requires skyrocketed her confidence. She's grateful for comedy and the power of laughter in that it has allowed her to talk about her life and process her experience as a lesbian. Shay has learned to live her life in a way that definitely moves her closer to freedom, and she shares her inspirational story of how she accomplishes this with all of us here today.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Common disdain for professional careers
• Shay's history in comedy, growing up in a small town, and hosting workshops
• Upright citizens Brigade and the Groundlings
• Burnout with comedy led to develop a rap album
• Move to Atlanta
• Growing up secretly gay
• Getting in trouble when she came out
• Transferring colleges
• Feeling like a burden and facing insecurities
• How improv practice gave her confidence
• Finding new ways to express yourself
• The power of laughter

Quotes:

"I was getting kind of drained by comedy. I was getting up every night doing improv with no real growth. There's barely any trajectory of growth in improv, other than just going up there and finding these small things–I'm going to focus on this small thing. So I left improv and started doing music."

"Yes, I was very different. So I think at, you know, seven years old I knew I was gay. It was a very young age, but I didn't come out until I was 18. I really tried to blend in in a lot of ways; we played sports, which I loved sports. I mean I was a tomboy–that's how I developed a lot of my humor too, trying to blend in, trying to make people feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations, trying to avoid conversations through humor. It was really a defense mechanism."

"My first day of seventh grade, I had short hair, kind of like I do right now, short hair, boy clothes, hadn't shaved my legs yet. I go to school, I see all of the girls have their legs shaved–and that's when I decided I was changing everything, because I went from an elementary school where there were 20 people to a middle school where three towns came together–so I really, I think that was the first time that I started to really change and conform."

"I think when you can't be with the people you want to be with, you can't outwardly show that, that's so heavy."

"I feel like the pain that I thought I would have by coming out felt greater than the pain that I was holding in–I didn't realize how important coming out actually was."

"I think when I was younger, I would be like, 'I need to have this person to validate me or to love me, or to show me that this is okay to feel this way'–I would go to bed when I was a little kid, almost every night just begging to be a boy so these girls would like me."

"My confidence has really improved, just through that consistent practice and getting up on stage in front of people doing exercises, learning how to make the best scenes–that is putting yourself out there to be seen. That is one of the scariest things you can do is just to open up and be seen just like with another person, you know, like a relationship, putting yourself out there to be seen for who you truly are. It's scary."

Links:

She Doesn't Settle Podcast

She Doesn't Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds

Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/

Instagram: @shaydbeats

Instagram: @garyandmaryig

TikTok: @shaydbeats

Shay Dominguez