The Salty Truth

12. Jon Hester - Marriage

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About Jon Hester

  • Married with 2 teenage daughters. Celebrating 25th wedding anniversary in May
  • 15 years in church ministry; 7 or 8 years now in professional counseling. 

    • What are some of the benefits to going to counseling to improve your relationship?

    • Many couples wait too late to get the help they need, all couples can improve their relationship.

      • What do you think it takes to help a marriage that’s in trouble make a turn around?

      • Honesty – with themselves, about themselves, and about where their marriage really is
      • Humility – taking the steps to get the help the need, actually put in the work to become the healthiest version of themselves
      • Forgiveness – regrets of the past will continue to haunt and linger until true forgiveness takes place. Forgiveness of spouse and of self. 

        • What are some of the biggest misconceptions about marriage?

        • That intimacy naturally fades over time. Intimacy only fades when we stop pursuing the other person. 
        • That they are, by default, meeting the needs of their spouse. People change over time.

          • What are some of the things that can sabotage a good marriage?

          • Lack of boundaries – taking on too much and having nothing left to give your spouse. Or perhaps a lack of boundaries when it comes to children, extended family members. Couples should fearlessly protect time for the two of you to be alone.
          • Boredom –  Couples should chase new & next together.
          • Comparing their marriage to someone else’s – Social media has not helped here.

            • Do all couples fight?

            • People handle conflict in different ways.
            • No one wants have to walk on egg shells around their partner
            • If things begin to escalate, take a time out.

              • How can we intentionally make marriage fun so that we have a lot of good times to mix in with the difficult times?

              • Always keep something on the calendar to look forward to. The planning part of it alone brings a certain level of excitement.
              • Engage in the interests and activities your spouse enjoys – and do so joyfully. 

                • What advice would you give to couples willing to give it one more try?

                • Decide to do something substantially different.
                  • Seek professional help. 
                  • Avoid negative voices – friends, family, internet, social media
                  • Return to the practices you were doing in the beginning.

                    • How important is it to be a student of our partner?

                    • Probably one of the most underestimated and often overlooked component of marriages.
                    • Check out the DISC personality profile and the Love Language assessment.

                      • If people want to learn more about you, or connect with you about counseling, how can they find you?

                      • www.psychologytoday.com - Search "Jon Hester". Email and phone listed.
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                        The Salty TruthBy Jason Comer
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