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My name is Alan Wake. I’m a writer. Two years ago, three “critics” from The Worst of All Possible Worlds podcast decided to slander my good name and drag my first game through the mud. Now, they’ve Returned from their previous Departure and have fully Initiated themselves into my torment anew. Will they dub me the Champion of Light? Or cast me off as the Herald of Darkness? Only one thing’s for sure: Stephen King once wrote “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger.” He said this before snorting three lines of cocaine and trying to fight a bus. He would later go on to marry that bus in a private ceremony in Maine. This marriage was quickly annulled when everyone involved realized you cannot marry a bus. I married Alice, a human woman. I know this because I know the difference between a woman and a bus. That’s why I famously wrote the line: “It’s not a woman, it’s a bus.”

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Media Referenced in this Episode:

• Alan Wake II. Remedy Entertainment. 2023.

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