In this wildly unpredictable episode of Schmactors, James Marsters and Mark Devine dive headfirst into the philosophical, the musical, and the deeply absurd. From pondering whether Patrick Mahomes is the Mozart of football or just another heartbreak waiting to happen, to deathbed confessions involving DB Cooper, Madonna, and… fake buried treasure, the guys explore the art of leaving a legacy—fictional or otherwise.

Mark relives his first KISS concert, complete with Satanic Panic and steak-scented weed. James shares the awkward tale of attending a Neil Diamond show chauffeured by a porn-writing teacher. There’s a heartfelt discussion about learning piano at 50, the reality of killing one good person to stop climate change (spoiler: heroin is involved), and a deep dive into Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet as a lightsaber-era bloodbath.

Also: ghost stories, Bigfoot skepticism, Romeo with puppy eyes, Star Trek tribbles, a Catholic Monsignor who hands out pizza and tape recorders, and Jason’s unexpected gift of a back scratcher. It’s the usual Schmactors chaos—with a body count.

Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠schmactors.com⁠ — leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy.

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