It's time to celebrate V-day busybodies, and no matter your relaysh status, we're here to heat your seats and take this party from romance dry to, in Ashley's words, Romance Wet™. In this special edition episode, we step outside our usual format and slip-slide through some Valentine's Day fun. Let us moisten your ear holes with tender moments involving love matches delivered via rudimentary hetero-centric computer programming with dot-matrix printer technology, the power of the almighty mixtape, and busybody-submitted love stories including two-stepping,  being set up by a dental hygenist, a lunch date auction gamble for the ages, a romance that took root in a place "like The Shining, but on an island", and a first kiss like a puckered butthole.

As always, visual aids, supporting documents, & Top Secret files are on our IG feed. Tell us your small gossips or dating woes at [email protected], follow us on Instagram & TikTok @babepatrolpod, and on Patreon at patreon.com/babepatrolpod and look for some extra-juicy members-only content coming to Patreon this Thursday 2/16.