September 7, 2025

Welcome to Season 2, Episode 4, Shades of Pleasure

Four sexologists open up about life, love, and the pursuit of consensual non monogamy.

The crew (Mou, Melissa, Wayne, and Kelly) tackle jealousy and why trying to “get rid of it” misses the point. Instead, they frame jealousy as information—a doorway into attachment wounds, fear of abandonment, shame, and unmet needs. From there, they pivot to the skill that keeps relationships resilient: front-loading (sharing plans, needs, and likely triggers before they blow up), which they connect to informed consent and preserving each partner’s agency.

Big ideas

* Jealousy = data, not a defect. Name what it points to (history, disrespect, lack of communication) rather than slapping on quick “band-aids” like closing relationships.

* Monogamy hangover patterns. Cultural scripts teach us to avoid jealousy by controlling contact; non-monogamy invites feeling it, exploring it, and choosing responses.

* Front-loading as care. Share early and often—especially when something might affect time, priorities, or agreements. Withholding “to protect” a partner can actually remove their agency.

* It’s messy—and that’s normal. Rupture/repair cycles are part of intimacy (friendships included). Leaving at the first discomfort often just resets NRE without growth.

* Attachment shows up differently across contexts. Anxious/avoidant dynamics can flip between new and established relationships; self-awareness helps you choose rather than react.

Try this

* When jealousy hits, ask: What is this feeling protecting? What do I need to feel safer/seen?

* Front-load the front-loading: tell partners you value lots of context and why.

* Use in-the-moment co-regulation (breathing, touch) and skip empty reassurances; offer grounded reminders of care and commitment instead.

* If considering a breakup, name specifics and a time horizon for change; then reassess with clarity (not panic).

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