In honor of pride month, I've decided to be gay. Just for the month, of course. I just really like stolen valor, so for the next month I'll be painting my nails and pretending to give a shit about Miley Cyrus' sister. Once July comes around, you better watch out, because I'm coming back to straightness with a fucking vengeance. I'll be dragging my nuts all over my favorite sports paraphernalia, talking about how bad the traffic has gotten in a very specific part of town. I'll be drinking coffee so cheap and so black it's legally not allowed outside unless it's covered by a brown paper bag. I'll go back to completely ignoring relationships that are the most important in my life, while simultaneously complaining about how no one talks to me anymore.