Today we re-frame the way you might be thinking about boundaries. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and since we’ve been talking recently about time management, energy management and identifying priorities, we have to dig into boundaries just a little.  

I want to re-frame the way you might be thinking about boundaries.  I think there is a misconception that boundaries are a situation where I tell you how you need to behave around me and that is boundaries.  But that’s not actually boundaries.  We can’t control others’ behavior - right - that’s just a request.  I request that you not yell at me when you are angry, it's’ not you can’t yell at me.  It’s what I am willing to endure.  It’s my request that you not yell at me.  

I believe it is more helpful to identify boundaries with yourself.  What are your boundaries and how are you going to act if someone breaches your boundaries? 

My boundary with myself is what I am going to do if this person yells at me.  I will say “hey, I am going to leave this conversation”  my personal boundary has been breached.   Whatever the boundary is, it’s with yourself.  

I have a close relative that likes to blame everything wrong in life on politics, specifically the “other side”.  When this happens, I don’t like to hear about it.  So I can set a boundary and say, when the conversation turns political, I will need to politely say goodbye and end the conversation.  We can talk again at another time.  

Notice, how I am holding the boundary for myself.  It’s not about what the other person does, but about how I respond to that activity if it’s really a hard line for me. 

Thinking through these situations in advance is very helpful in coming up with an authentic and calming response to a known situation so that you can establish a clear and gentle boundary.  

This could  be as simple as I don’t take calls between 8:00-8:30 in the morning because it’s when I am focused on getting my kids out the door for school.  It’s not only my Intentional Margin®, but It’s my boundary.  Perhaps something comes up that is really important and I take a call or a meeting, that’s ok, it’s not rigid, but it’s also not on the regular.  It’s harmony, it’s not perfection.    

I invite you to define one personal boundary you want to work on and let us know over on social what you decided and how it’s going. We’re at @everydayhappinesswithkatie. 

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