Welcome back to another episode of the Healing and Dealing Podcast. I am joined today by Becky Aste, a trauma-informed marriage coach. In this episode, Becky will share her personal journey and experiences in repairing a struggling marriage after years of research and various healing modalities. We will also delve into the importance of somatic work and nervous system regulation in healing and improving relationships, especially in the context of couples dealing with trauma and attachment issues. Any trauma can be repaired and healed if both individuals are dedicated to putting in the work. I am encouraging you to explore somatic work as a valuable tool for healing, improving relationships, and building a deep connection with oneself. 

“And so what the modern, especially Western psychology, mental health world people will say, If your marriage is not working go to therapy, go to couples counseling, read this book, listen to this podcast, I am a fan of all of those things, I'm not downing them. But if that's all, the only modalities that you're using, you're only working with 20% of the way that your body's designed. So you're gonna feel like a salmon swimming upstream. And you know, spend years spinning your wheels at best, or at worst, I see a lot of clients. And this was part of my journey too where you can end up getting re-traumatized, because of how much you're replaying the past and staying stuck. The body work, you know, somatic work, or nervous system regulation, those are kind of words to describe working with that 80% of natural flow messages. And so that's the suggestion, you know, the advice I give is just like, please learn how to get into the body and move trauma out because your body has kept the score of all the trauma that you've survived. And so that's where I would begin.”- Becky Aste

 

The key points of the episode:

• The importance of somatic work in dealing with trauma. Somatic work involves focusing on the body's responses and sensations to address emotional and psychological issues. It helps individuals move trauma out of their bodies and find a sense of safety and connection.

• Attachment Styles that played a significant role in the relationship dynamics. Becky mentioned that she identified with an anxious attachment style, while her husband exhibited traits of an avoidant attachment style. 

• Learning to reconnect with your intuition, trust yourself, and prioritize your well-being. 

• The conversation raises the question of whether couples who both have traumatic experiences can have a successful relationship. The answer suggests that healing and repair are possible if both partners are dedicated to doing the work.

• Somatic work and nervous system regulation are powerful tools for healing trauma. These approaches involve understanding and addressing how the body responds to trauma and stress.

• The importance of self-love and self-acceptance. Becky's breakthrough moment involved sincerely telling herself, "I love you," and believing it. This self-love journey positively impacted her self-esteem and relationship.

• The growing awareness and acceptance of somatic work as a powerful tool for healing and personal growth. They hope that it becomes more widely recognized and accessible.

 

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