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Today my wife, Pam, and I continue our series on "How to Build a Rock-Solid Marriage." Last week we talked about building a rock-solid foundation and this week we are sharing how to build a rock-solid friendship. Pam and I talk about what we've learned and what's worked for us in 32 happy years of marriage. Listen as we talk about:

• Listening rather than fixing
• How lap talks can take your marriage to a new level
• How to avoid fights
• How to get the feelings back or keep them burning strong

All this and more on the Rob Skinner Podcast!

How to Build a Rock-Solid Marriage

Class #2: Rock Solid Friendship

• Friendship First
• Flowers and Affection

1. Friendship first

Husbands

• Listen, don't Fix
• Share Portland
• Take time to talk and listen
  • I used to answer Pam: "What do you want to talk about?"
  • That is like her saying: "What do you want to have sex for? Do you want to have another kid?"
    • Lap talks
• Find your way out of a fight
  • See it coming and hit the pause button
    • San Jose
  • Throw up the white flag early
    • ?Who is going to win, Jesus or Satan?
    • I don't want to fight
    • "I bet I can make you laugh."
    • "Let's start over"
    • Practice together throwing up the "white flag"

Wives

• Become an "Active Wife"
  • Your husbands may not feel comfortable sitting and talking.
  • Rob can't sit down and recount my appointment or phone call.
  • Get out and do something with your husband.
  • What did you used to do when you were dating?
  • Keep it up.
  • You will get it out of your husband on the go.

1. Flowers

Husbands

• What to do when the feeling is gone
  • One of the traps of longer-term marriages is a lack of affection and feeling.
    • "I just don't feel anything anymore."
    • We are like roommates
    • We are just holding on for the kids
  • You can get the feeling back:
    • Revelation 2:4-5
    • 4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
      • Remember what you once had
      • Repent, change your attitude
      • Do what you once did
      • Feelings follow action

This should be encouraging to guys, start changing our behavior, feelings will change.

It takes WORK.

This is where we need to repent of sloth: Being lazy in love

Our wives need signs of affection

Share things you did for your wife before you got married.

• VW Bus
• Newspaper
• Easter Egg Hunt

Somehow that trails off after marriage.

"I show my affection in bed!"

Share: "You don't bring me flowers anymore" in Fukuoka

What can we do.

• Words of affection
• Praise the small things, make it habitual, not exceptional
  • Sticky notes
• Gifts
• Touch
• Making a set date each week
• Encouragement
  • "Mom, you did it again"

Wives

Our husbands don't need flowers, but they do need praise

Men need to feel respected and admired.

No matter the circumstances, find something to build your husband up in.

Share: Ed Townsend, "I'm impressed that you didn't cry."

Share: You may not be perfect, "But your perfect for me"