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In this episode, Pam and I talk about two areas of building a Rock-Solid Marriage:

1. Family Matters
2. Focus

Class #3: Rock Solid Family and Focus

• Become the "family man"
  • Your wife needs to feel that you are leading the family and the kids.
    • Deuteronomy 6:4-9
    • 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a]5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
  • You are there to train and raise your family.
  • Your wife will respect you as you take care of the family.
    • Time:
    • Family Devotionals
    • Quiet Times with the kids
    • Camping: Read quote from Gary Smalley.
      • Several years ago, we interviewed healthy families across the country and asked them each the same question: "What do you believe is the main reason you are all so close and happy as a family?" What we found amazed us. Each family gave basically the same answer: "We do a lot of activities together." Upon further study, we discovered these families also had one particular activity in common - camping. Instead, we believe the secret to being a close-knit family almost always can be found in camping because two very important things happen. Close-knit relationships result from people sharing numerous experiences. 2. Close relationships form after dealing with difficulties in a positive manner.
        • There is no substitute for solid time together
        • Plan a camping trip this Winter

• Wives
• Becoming the suitable helper (Pam)
• Husbands need to feel like their house is their sanctuary.
• Husbands need to help, but will never do as much as wives around the home.
• Does your husband feel warm and welcomed when he comes home?
• Share: When your husband is late, how do you respond when he arrives?
• "Honey, it is so good to have you back home!"
• Or… "Where have you been?"

Focus

The 80/20 rule

• Know what to start

20% of the things you are doing will be useful to build up your marriage.

The other 80% adds little or works against you

Write down 3 things that are currently working. "Keep Doing"

Write down 2 things that you would like to start or implement in your life from what we've gone over. "Start Doing"

Show your partner.

Know what to stop

You are busy, swamped.

It is hard, if not impossible to add more to your life…

Unless you stop doing things you are currently doing.

What are some things that you could stop doing that would open up space for love, communication, sex?

• Netflix binging
• Too much media
• Late night computer browsing
• Porn
• Golf
• Video games
• Big box shopping
• Drinking too much
• Overtime
• Multi-level marketing
• Day trading

• You have a routine in place.
• That will have to change if you want to improve and grow spiritually.
• Make a stop doing list
  • Write down one thing you could cut to make time for your marriage
  • Pam said: "You're so busy"
• Successful marriages have certain habits
• They are intentional
• The opportunity you have this weekend is to make a change and build your marriage daily until it becomes habitual.
• You already do this in other areas, both good and bad:
• Gym
• Diet
• Church
• Quiet time
• Date night
• Sinful habits

• Are you ready for a great marriage?

• It takes maintenance and attention. You can't keep expecting more out of your relationship without taking care of it.

• Blowing truck engine

• Let me leave you with a tool that will help you to make each day of your marriage together a masterpiece.
• If you will work on this over the next 90 days, you will see a huge improvement over time.
• Next Steps
• Read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Practice his "5 Magic Hours:"
• Partings/Departures – 2 Minutes per day Spend two minutes per day warmly and intentionally departing from your spouse for work, the gym, or social activity. This can include a brief description about the forthcoming appointments or activities that you will encounter during your day. Two minutes per weekday, 10 minutes per week. Six Second Kiss
• Greetings/Arrivals – 20 Minutes per day At some point shortly after your return home from work or daily activity, spend twenty minutes debriefing about the events of the day. Spending 20 minutes per weekday is 1 hour and 40 minutes per week.
• Physical Affection – 5 Minutes per day
• Admiration, Affirmation, & Compliments – 5 Minutes per day

Weekly Dates – 2 Hours per week