Defending our autonomy is a serious business at any age. In this bonus episode, the Sturdy Centenarian rages against "thoughtless condescension." I'm Rachel McAlpine, only 84, and finally learning how to be old. Better late than never! As young people, even as children, we feel very strongly that we want to be boss of ourselves. That's ageism, and it hurts. Doris Carnevali has figured out how to deal with it.

One of my most important mentors for the uncharted territory of aging is retired professor Doris Carnevali. At 95 she noticed that younger people felt free to breach her boundaries, disregarding her opinions and being downright rude. This was shocking, and apparently due only to her advanced age.

The problem was obvious — but what to do, how to protect her precious autonomy? She decided to bring the topic into the light. She began talking to her family openly and truthfully about how old age affected her. She set some rules, too.

I always find guidance from this wise woman, even though I'm about 12 younger. And I get tips from her experience of defending autonomy that would have been useful to me 40 years ago.

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