Welcome back to The Rebel’s Way podcast — your no-BS guide to living a badass life as a woman in your 40s. I’m your host, Starlyn, and today we’re talking about something that might feel uncomfortable… but deeply true:

Self-care and self-love give me the ick.

Not because women don’t deserve care.

Not because we shouldn’t take care of ourselves.

But because the way self-care is framed often ignores how deeply women have been conditioned to be selfless, not self-honoring.

In this episode, we get into why self-care feels selfish for so many women — and why that reaction isn’t a personal failure, but a result of long-standing societal programming.

Women are taught to:

1. Put everyone else first
2. Be the caregivers, organizers, and emotional managers
3. Earn rest instead of expecting it
4. Take care of themselves last — if there’s any energy left

So when we’re told to “just practice self-care” or “love yourself more,” our nervous system often responds with guilt, resistance, or shutdown.

In this episode, we explore:

1. Why the terms self-care and self-love trigger discomfort for so many women
2. How women are conditioned — at home, at work, and in society — to prioritize others over themselves
3. Why taking care of yourself can feel selfish, even when you know you need it
4. The invisible emotional labor women carry in families, workplaces, and relationships
5. How motherhood and caregiving reinforce patterns of self-abandonment
6. Why mainstream self-care advice feels fluffy, unrealistic, or disconnected from real life
7. A powerful reframe: self-care as self-preservation
8. Why modeling self-care and self-respect matters for the next generation of women

I also dive into New Year’s resolutions — why most of them fail, and how goals rooted in self-loathing instead of self-respect rarely lead to sustainable change. You can’t hate yourself into a healthier body, a better life, or a more regulated nervous system.

Real change happens when goals come from:

1. Self-trust
2. Self-respect
3. And the belief that you’re already worthy of care

This episode is a reminder that:

1. You don’t need to earn rest
2. You don’t need permission to take care of yourself
3. And you don’t need to wait until everyone else is okay to matter

Because when women stop abandoning themselves, everything changes.

🎧 Listen now, and if this episode resonated, please follow the podcast, leave a review, or drop a comment on Spotify — I read every single one, and your support helps grow this show more than you know.

You can connect with me at wholesomerebelwellness.com or on Instagram @starlynhaneman.

Until next time — keep choosing yourself, and keep living The Rebel’s Way.