Phones aren’t optional anymore—and that’s exactly why families feel stuck. In this Parents of the Year episode, Andrew and Caroline sit down with MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with 40 years of practice to talk about what screen overuse is doing to stress, sleep, mood, and family connection. 

MJ shares a practical way to reset family phone habits that starts with adult leadership, not kid willpower. 

You’ll hear why “phone-free time” must be truly phone-free (not just “in the backpack”), how to set boundaries that don’t turn every night into a negotiation, and how to talk with kids about the science behind dopamine, cravings, and withdrawal-like irritability. 

They also cover what to do when a child pushes back hard, why checking a child’s phone should be treated like checking the family car, and how parents can team up with other families so you’re not the only one holding the line.

If you’re looking for realistic strategies around screen time, phones, social media, and stress, this episode gives you language you can use today.

Homework Ideas

“Deepest desire” check-in (10 minutes, solo)
Write one sentence: “My deepest desire with my child is…” (not about rules—about the relationship). Keep it visible. You’ll need it when pushback hits.

Phone as supervised access (not ownership)
If your child has a phone, set the expectation: it’s a family device with supervision.
Create a predictable check-in rhythm (brief, calm, consistent) so it doesn’t feel like a “gotcha.”

Phone Use Awareness (for parents first)

Check your screen time report for a full week. Note:

• Total daily hours
• Top 3 apps
•  Times of day you reach for it most
• Journal one line a day: “What was I avoiding or soothing when I reached for my phone?”

Create Phone-Free Blocks (ACT – C)

Choose 1–2 daily blocks where all phones are away and out of reach (e.g., 5–7 pm, mealtimes, bedtime routine)

• Physically store them in another room or lockbox. During those blocks, invite, don’t force:
• Walks
• Baking or cooking
• Board game
•  “Nothing time” where people can be bored and see what happens

Take Phones Out of the Bedroom (ACT – T)

Parents go first. Replace your phone with a basic alarm clock or a speaker for music/meditation if needed

• Once you’ve done it for 2–4 weeks, have a family meeting:
  •  Explain the sleep and brain science (keep it simple: “Brains need dark, quiet, and no pings to reset properly.”)
  • Agree as a family: phones docked in a shared space overnight and/or in a lockbox.

Curate the Feed – “You Are What You Scroll”

Together, pick 3–5 things you want more of in life (e.g., art, sport, nature, comedy).

• Follow accounts that actually match those values.
• Unfollow / mute accounts that leave you anxious, angry, or “less than.”
• Watch The Social Dilemma as a family and discuss: What surprised you? What do you want to change about how you use your phone?

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