Tale Teller Comedy Club Presets a Live Dramatic Recording of 2 B R 0 2 B, by Kurt Vonnegut.

to be are not to be this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer visit librivox.org

to be are not to be by kurt vonnegut jr narrated by dennis sayers the hospital orderly played by mark smith painter read by alan drake leora duncan read by laurie ann walden dr hitz read by michael yard the voice of whaling read by julian jameson federal bureau of termination hostess read by kara shallenberg

everything was perfectly there were no prisons no slums no insane asylums no cripples no poverty no wars all diseases were conquered so was old age death barring accidents was an adventure for volunteers the population of the united states was stabilized at 40 million souls one bright morning in the chicago line in hospital a man named edward k welling jr waited for his wife to give birth he was the only man waiting not many people were born a day anymore welling was 56 a mere stripling in a population whose average age was 129. x-rays had revealed that his wife was going to have triplets the children would be his first young welling was hunched in his chair his head in his hand he was so rumpled so still and colorless as to be virtually invisible his camouflage was perfect since the waiting room had a disorderly and demoralized air too chairs and ashtrays had been moved away from the walls the floor was paved with spattered drop cloths the room was being redecorated it was being redecorated as a memorial to a man who had volunteered to die a sardonic old man about 200 years old sat on a step ladder painting a mural he did not like back in the days when people aged visibly his age would have been guessed at 35 or so aging had touched him that much before the cure for aging was found the mural he was working on depicted a very neat garden men and women in white doctors and nurses turned the soil planted seedlings sprayed bugs spread fertilizer men and women in purple uniforms pulled up weeds cut down plants that were old and sickly raked leaves carried refuse to trash burners never never never not even in medieval holland nor old japan had a garden been more formal been better tended every plant had all the loam light water air and nourishment it could use a hospital orderly came down the corridor singing under his breath a popular song if you don't like my kisses honey here's what i will do i'll go see a girl in purple kiss this sad world to lou if you don't want my loving why should i take up all this space i'll get off this old planet let some sweet baby have my place the orderly looked in at the mural and the muralist looks so real he said i can practically imagine i'm standing in the middle of it what makes you think you're not in it said the painter he gave a satiric smile it's called the happy garden of life you know that's good of dr hitz said the orderly he was referring to one of the male figures in white whose head was a portrait of dr benjamin hitz the hospital's chief obstetrician hitz was a blindingly handsome man lots of faces still to fill in said the orderly he meant that many of the faces in the mural were still blank all blanks were to be filled with portraits of important people on either the hospital staff or from the chicago office of the federal bureau of termination must be nice to be able to make pictures that look like something said the orderly the painter's face curdled with scorn you think i'm proud of this dab he said you think this is my idea of what life really looks like what's your idea of what life looks like said the orderly the painter gestured at a foul drop cloth there's a good picture of it he said frame that and you'll have a picture a damn side more honest than this one you're a gloomy old duck aren't you said the orderly is that a crime said the painter the orderly shrugged if you don't like it here...