Last Mother’s Day, my long-time friend, Stephanie Renner, discovered that her eighteen-year-old son, Jordan, had died. Jordan ended his life by suicide the prior day.

I’m honored that Stephanie agreed to chat with me, as the first anniversary of Jordan’s death and Mother’s Day approach. The words below were written by Stephanie to describe Jordan.

Jordan “Gilly” Gilford was a brilliant, vibrant soul with a healthy dose of stubbornness. He was incredibly passionate and his friends always speak of his beautiful smile and his infectious laugh. What they remember most, though, is his deep compassion and desire to help others. He volunteered his home regularly to people who needed a temporary refuge (both with and without the permission of his mom) and he was always concerned about his friends’ well-being.

Jordan could amaze you with his depth and passion. When he found something he loved, he would dive deep to learn all there was to know and given the chance, impart all of his new found knowledge to anyone who would listen. He especially loved talking political and current affairs and he definitely had opinions!

Even surrounded by tremendous love and encouragement, Jordan suffered from the sometimes-debilitating disease of mental illness. He wanted nothing more than to overcome it and was privileged to have many resources to help him do so, but sometimes the world is too hard and the weight of it is too heavy for people at a particular time and in a particular place. Unfortunately, Jordan came to this time and place and didn’t see another way out.

Jordan’s family and friends are committed to spreading the light and kindness that Jordan spread. They know how much he wanted other people to overcome the same struggles he faced and so many people have provided stories of how he convinced them to find help and that they are needed in this world. Gilly’s Friends is their way of honoring him and his beautiful spirit by providing unexpected love and a message of hope.

Please visit the Gilly’s Friends website to learn more about the ways that Stephanie is honoring Jordan and finding meaning amidst tragic loss - https://gillysfriends.com/.

I’m sending love to everyone for whom Mother’s Day is painful. I know there are many of us.

P.S. I chose this photo of Steph and me because we gotta laugh, even (especially) during dark times. There were funny moments in our conversation, including when Zoom demanded that I pay more money to keep recording and, after finally managing to pay, I couldn’t find the screen containing Stephanie’s lovely face. I was relieved that the entire episode recorded. Success! I had a guest on my podcast! Now that I’ve figured it out, I’ll bring you new perspectives weekly. Progress, not perfection.

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