Some people stay together for the kids. Some don’t. But what they have in common is the desire to not hurt their kids. The truth is, kids get hurt when parents break up. It’s inevitable. But kids’ hurt when parents stay together, too, if being together means living inside a relationship built on power struggles, arguments, bickering, or apathy.

So no matter what circumstance you are in, your kids will hurt. They will be sad, angry, and frustrated. This is normal. So what can you do, when you want to “do whats’ best” for your kids? Simple- help them not to suffer. Protect them from damage, by setting a good example. Don’t fight over your kids and force them to pick a side: team mom or team dad. Create one team. Your family team, despite the break up, because for your child, family continues. Don’t turn your kids into messengers or force them into tattle-tale. Don’t lie to your kids and don’t fill their head with your side of the story.

Let them have fun and enjoy their time with their other parent. Let them know that it is ok and that you are ok. Let them know that no matter what- it is not their fault and that they are loved by both of you. Be mindful of your energy and your mood.

Kids are more perceptive then we often give them credit for. Create calm and respect free-will. Remember you are creating memories with each day and every moment. Your child will soon be an adult, looking back on his life. Do you want him to look back and think the worst, or do you want him to feel like everything is ok.

You can have this and save yourself the custody battles and years of litigation, stress and anxiety by being mindful of your choices, your energy and the actions you take.