November 17, 2022

24: How to Navigate Thanksgiving When You Don't Feel Thankful

16 minutes

Send Jen a Text Message

This is a true account of my own experience of my first Thanksgiving after my twins were stillborn at 32 weeks, and the advice I have given to others since then about what I've learned.
Listen to yourself- tap into your intuition and make decisions accordingly. Your body will tell you everything you need to know in order to care for yourself. Talk to your husband or partner and let them know what you need. Be honest about what you are willing and not willing to do.

Be willing to decline invitations for gatherings if it doesn't feel right. If you feel comforted being with others and want to go then do that. But if the thought of being in a sea of happy people who don't understand how you're feeling is hard for you then be willing to say no and not feel guilty. You can always negotiate a certain amount of time you are willing to go too if that feels right. Don't make decisions according to what others feel is right for you.

Find special items to symbolize your baby. We have two small pumpkins with the girls' names on them for the table. Maybe find some special candles or flowers that are meaningful. Get creative and bring them into your space. Say their names and talk about them. It is the only way we will stop the stigma of keeping it silent.

Create new traditions. This is a time to create some new ways of doing things because your life is different than it was, and you have a new outlook on it. This is a time for you to create or recreate some traditions that are meaningful to you and your family.

Talk to someone who has lived it. There is no substitute for talking to someone who has walked this journey and can guide you. It is likely that those you are expected to see on Thanksgiving have no idea what you are truly feeling so can't see things from your perspective even though they love you and want the best for you. Find someone who is objective and can help you through the process of integrating your old life with your new one.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so I created Life Beyond Loss—a four-week series of free workshops designed to give you the tools and support you need to navigate life after loss. These sessions will help you quiet the guilt, handle hurtful comments with confidence, rediscover who you are, and prepare for those painful milestone dates with a plan. Join me at navigatingbabyloss.com/october
.

CLICK HERE TO JOIN MY OCTOBER WORKSHOP SERIES "LIFE BEYOND LOSS"

WHERE TO FIND AND FOLLOW ME!