January 07, 2022

25: I Don't Have All My Shit Together

27 minutes

For too damn long time, I have held onto the belief that I had to have all my shit together before I could contribute anything meaningful to the world. Before I could be open. Before I could share my thoughts and ideas. I believed that I had to be put together before I could be taken seriously. Before I could feel like I was enough and worthy as I am.

I falsely thought that I needed to reach a point of complete overcoming, of being an expert, of never messing up, and a point of knowing more than I do in order to be worthy of sharing myself with the world - let alone with my family, friends, and myself.

This feeling has kept me playing so small for YEARS. It has made me really afraid of being noticed or truly seen for who I am, for far too long.

I realized that when I hold myself back, I do myself a disservice. I also take away the ability for others to learn, from me and through me.

We all can be so caught up in our own thoughts and feelings and perspectives that we become story tellers, crafting narratives and viewing through lenses that limit us with our own narrowly-constructed ideas about what we’re capable of, about whether or not there is room for us to show up, about whether or not we can do the things we passionaltely dream about doing.

It’s exhausting.

Guess what? I will never have all of my shit together. I will never reach a point where I have it all figured out and do everything I’m “supposed” to do when I’m “supposed” to do it and how I’m “supposed” to do it. I have a ton of tools in my toolbox, and I will not use them all in the right moments. I will fall. I will make mistakes. I will FUCK IT UP. Why?

Because I am human.

I am learning and embracing that I don’t need to reach a certain point in order to show up and let myself be seen. I don’t need to wait to share who I am. I am learning that I am restricting myself when I believe that I need to be “perfect’ before I can share my voice in this world. That my life has to look a certain way. That my relationships have to be a certain way. That I have to look a certain way.

I forget how extraordinary I already am.

Hell, no. I am not doing that anymore.

I am learning to show up just as I am…..the beautiful, worthy and loved human being that I am. I am learning that I don’t need to have all of the answers, or be without blemishes, bruises and bumps. I am learning that I don’t have to hold myself to the impossible standard of never making mistakes in order to show up, in order to change my part of the world, in order to help others, in order to share my truth, perspectives, and goodness.

So, I am here to tell you that you are a whole, worthy and imperfect human who doesn’t have all your shit together, who makes mistakes, who isn’t always sure about how to handle what life throws your way. And that is more than OK.

I encourage you to keep showing up anyway.

I implore you to keep taking up space and sharing your light.

I want you to keep allowing yourself be.

Just as you are. xx

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