A child can be brilliant and struggling at the exact same time.

In this conversation, I talk with Julie Skolnick about what it really means to be twice exceptional, or as she so beautifully puts it, gifted and distractible. Julie explains why giftedness is often the misunderstood part of the profile, not the diagnosable challenges beside it. We unpack her three-layer cake of giftedness: asynchronous development, perfectionism, and overexcitabilities, and talk about how those traits can live right alongside ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, slow processing speed, and other learning or emotional differences. If you have ever looked at a child and thought, "But they're so smart, so why is this so hard?" this episode is for you.

Julie and I also talk about what support actually looks like when we stop seeing only the gifted side or only the struggle side and start looking at the whole child. We get into personal connection, reframing behavior, collaborative advocacy, and why the child who looks oppositional or disengaged may actually be overwhelmed, perfectionistic, dysregulated, or trying very hard to protect a fragile sense of self. This is a rich, practical conversation for parents, educators, and anyone trying to understand a child who does not fit inside standard expectations.

Key Takeaways

• Giftedness is often the misunderstood part of 2e. Many people understand the diagnosis more easily than they understand what giftedness actually looks like in daily life.
• Twice exceptional does not mean "smart plus one challenge." These kids often have multiple co-occurring traits, diagnoses, learning differences, and emotional needs at the same time.
• Asynchronous development is a core part of the profile. A child may be far ahead in one area and significantly younger in another, which creates confusion for adults and anxiety for the child.
• Perfectionism can look like underachievement. Sometimes not trying feels safer than trying and risking visible failure.
• Overexcitabilities matter. Intellectual, emotional, imaginative, psychomotor, and sensory intensity can all shape how a child learns, reacts, connects, and copes.
• Looking at only one side of the Venn diagram leads to bad support. If we focus only on giftedness, we may shame the child. If we focus only on the struggle, we may underestimate them.
• Personal connection is the flagship strategy. Before most interventions work, the child needs to feel seen, understood, and safe with the adult in front of them.
• Reframing behavior changes everything. What looks like avoidance, disrespect, or laziness may actually be overwhelm, perfectionism, dysregulation, or a mismatch between the task and the child's profile.
• Strengths can help shore up struggles. Interests, passions, and areas of giftedness are often the best bridge into confidence, engagement, and learning.
• Adults need a pause button too. Supporting 2e kids asks a lot of the grownups around them, and self-regulation is part of effective parenting, teaching, and advocacy.

About Julie Skolnick

Julie F. Rosenbaum Skolnick, M.A., J.D., is the founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC, the author of Gifted and Distractible, and a passionate keynote speaker who works directly with parents of gifted and distractible children, mentors twice exceptional adults, trains educators, and advises professionals on how to bring out the best in their 2e students and clients. Julie's work is known for helping people feel deeply seen while also giving them practical language, strategies, and support. She offers courses, memberships, and book studies for parents, educators, and 2e adults, and publishes the free weekly Gifted and Distractible Newsletter. Julie and her husband are raising three twice exceptional kids who keep them on their toes and laughing hard.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

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