4 pm and still in bed

Spent the day inside my head

A battle within myself

That all boils down to my health

I smile and put on a show

Not letting you see just how low

I have become towards me

And the hatred I have for my body

Underneath all of these clothes

Is something I’ve come to loath

I feel it move with every step

Thinking just how many more reps

Is it going to take to regain

A state of mind without the pain

Unhealthy obsessions every day

Trying to look the other way

Ignoring the fact that it is growing

Praying nobody will see it showing

It’ll catch up with you they said

And now I can’t get myself up out of bed

Disappointed in myself

For the addiction that I have grown

And the ignorance that I have shown

My thoughts, Sugar and me all alone

Saturday night and I’m staying home

Order a pizza crack open a bud

Only to realise that you should

Get the gym gear on and go for a swim

You know it makes you happy deep within

Exercise is your medicine, your mental relief

What keeps you going and curbs the belief

That you’re an addict to sugar and carbs

And yes you’ve put on weight since march

2020 wasn’t kind to us all

But why did my weight take the fall

Eating dinner out became my escape

My break free from the hellish day

And now I’m stuck at a weight

That, to be honest, I fucking hate

So please don’t comment or make a joke

You don’t know how much I’m losing hope

I tighten my corset tighter every day

Hoping the fat will just go away

So please bare with me as I learn

My body is a reflection of which I yearn

Learning to love a healthier lifestyle

And get back to a better place,

cause it’s been a while