Lies About Married Life

The multiplicity of lies many single people believe have terrible effects on their life as a single person. Some of these beliefs not only affect their singleness but later on affect their marriage as well. But, today I want to deal specifically with lies singles believe about what married life will be like.

If you ever want to get married and stay married for life, kill these lies now. Otherwise, believing these lies might kill your marriage later.

Lie: After We Get Married

They Will Change

Let’s start with this huge lie. After we get married they will:

* grow up

* lose their bad habits

* be more responsible

* love me more

* stop belittling me

* respect me more

* go to church with me more

* realize how lucky they are to have me

* stop trying to change me

*                                                             (insert your own wish/pipe dream here)

Truth:

The truth? Who they are now is a pretty good indicator of who they will be after you get married. And, how they act now is pretty much how they will act after you get married. In fact, the sad truth is that in most cases the behaviors you don’t like get even worse after you get married. If they act unloving or disrespectful in their life as a single, they will probably do more of the same or worse in married life.

Marriage and Change

You are thinking that after you get married the reality of being a married person will help them straighten up. Meanwhile, they are thinking that once they get married they can finally relax and be who they really are because now they are married and no longer have to impress you.

The bottom line is that they may indeed change after you get married, but it might be for the worse instead of for the better. This could simply be irritating behaviors, but it could also be dangerous, reckless, or abusive behaviors. So, the best thing to do is to make sure of what kind of person someone is before you get too close or start thinking about marriage.

Self Deception

The worst thing you can do is get too close too quickly and get physically involved, then try to figure out if they are the kind of person you should marry. Once you are involved your rose-colored glasses are in place and you lose all objectivity. That’s when you start telling yourself lies about married life changing them.

Lie: After We Get Married

My Spouse Will Meet All My Needs

Okay, lie number two. After you get married your spouse will meet all your needs for:

* romance

* affection

* conversation

* emotional support

* financial security

* sex

*                                     (fill in your unmet need/unrealistic demand here)

Truth:

The truth? Not only is that unrealistic but it is actually impossible for two people, no matter how much they love each other, to meet all of each other’s needs and fulfill all of each other’s desires. Most of us love our spouses dearly and will do all we can for them. But, we are only human. There are limits to what we can do for each other. But there are no limits on what we can expect from each other. So, you can see the inherent problem there.

That is one of the reasons I always stress the importance of thriving as a single person first. Going into a marriage needy sets your up for a dysfunctional marriage. Going into a marriage with all kinds of unrealistic expectations leads to disappointment. And, each of you having your own list of things you expect the oth...