This week’s blog is sparked by a recent conversation I had with my client about asking for a pay rise. 

Lindsay (for her privacy, this is not her real name) has been running a multi-million dollar start-up as a managing director for several years. The company has been doing extremely well in the last 12 months and for all her hard work, long hours and personal scarifies, she feels it is time to ask for more and she wanted some coaching to prepare her for the conversation with her boss. 

What makes this really interesting is that the conversation we had was actually not about HOW to get a pay rise.

You’ll see what I mean next.

After listing a number of very reasonable, rational and critical factors, she told me how much she was planning to ask for. But then I asked her, how much you actually think you are worth for this company in the current market? 

Without a pause, she named a figure that is 20K more than what she just told me. 

I asked her why she didn’t say that higher figure first? 

Then, she took a pause. 

She told she is very confident to get that lower figure, but it may be a bit out of her character to ask for the higher one. 

I said, “You mean asking for what you really think you are worth?" 

I guess that question or in fact, a statement that really hit home. 

I think many of us can relate to this. Even though if you are confident with your work, talent, relationships, track record and everything else, the ASKING part is not as easy or directly proportional to how good you think you are in your job. 

I then asked her to imagine the following scenario - please forgive me if you don’t like this kind of example because it feels political incorrect or cliche - but both my client and I TOTALLY got what we are really talking about.

I find asking for a pay rise is an act that requires more of masculine energy and so the scenario will be set as such. So here it goes:

Prom Night is coming up. You want to ask someone out as a date. 

There are 2 girls you have in mind. 

Mary: a nice and friendly girl that you get along well, and she seems to like you A LOT. You feel there is a 99% chance that she will say YES if you just ask her. 

Kate: She is just simply an amazing girl at school, you get along well too, but you feel she may be slightly out of your league, so to speak, but you really like her and you two just “click” somehow. You are not sure about your chances partly because you REALLY want to ask her. 

At that point, Lindsay laughed at my silly example. Knowing her, I know she would say, of course, I will ask “Kate”. 

I know it is a silly example but it got us over that hurdle when we are overly self-conscious about money and self-worth. You can’t put a number on how much you like a person, you can only judge that with your heart. 

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If you settle for a “safe” option, you will never know how far you can go. 

So here are my top 3 tips for Asking For More in life: 

Trust Your Heart