Oftentimes we push off the no because we don’t want to hurt any feelings or we’re just indecisive.  But actually, that’s worse than just being honest and kind with your no. 

Transcript:

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2 minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and I’m saying no to morning coffee dates sporadically scattered around my calendar.  I love connecting and it’s so easy for me to say yes, not only for the connection, but the coffee.  But what I realized during the pandemic, is that I am more of an introvert than I realized and if I want to achieve my goals, I need to be aware of where I spend my time.  So I’ve created boundaries.  And I wanted to share what that looks like and also some inspiration from an article that I read that said How to Say No to “Grabbing Coffee” by Jenny Taitz and Greg McKeown.   

I’ve learned that I have the most energy and creative brain function in the morning and I need to capture that time so that I can be the most productive and efficient.  

What was so interesting about this article is that they argue a softer no, like saying, not this week and pushing it off is actually worse than a flat-out nope, can’t do it.  

What struck me, as we talked about our Intentional Margins in the last two episodes is that the authors make a great point that not all time is created equal and how we feel and the energy it takes to devote to something is also worthy of some decision making.  I talk about this in the way we create our ideal weeks.    

But they go on to say that “You may realize that devoting more than one night a week to a work dinner deprives you of being able to spend time with a loved one or on a passion project.”  So this goes back to our pillars.  How do we want to spend our time?  We can go out every night of the week, which may feed our connection pillar, but is that activity actually a detriment to another pillar.  This is the harmony we are all after.  The time spent in each pillar is not equal.  

This is a holistic approach to how we design our life.   And in closing, the authors argue for a firm but compassionate no, if it really is not something that is aligned with your Intentional Margins® right now. They say you can do this by “warmly validating, honestly expressing preferences, and offering something pleasant if you can’t contribute personally — whether that’s a nice alternative like an email introduction, a better time to chat, or simple well-wishes.”  

So when you feel bombarded with tasks that do not align with your margins and you have the capacity to say no (so it’s not something your boss needs)  - consider being firm and kind.  It goes a long way.  No one wants to be hanging on for a “yes” if you already know the answer is a big fat “no”.  

Until next time, remember, kindness is contagious. 

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