31 Days to Becoming a Better Leader

We constantly focus on communication as an isolated process, when, in fact, it’s related to how we relate to others. Communication is based on relationship and not simply on data. – Hugh Ballou

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. – George Bernard Shaw

“Did you get my email?” is a typical question from those who think that communication is about data. Many times the email is sent just prior to a scheduled time for personal interaction. The question also reveals the person’s lack of social skill and knowledge about how communication works.

In the early days of personal computers, the computer would send a document to the printer without any error-checking capability or validating cue to know if the printer received the file, had paper and ink, and was, in fact, printing the document. Business computers had the ability to receive a “handshake” cue from the printer validating the information needed, to know that the printer could complete the job.

When the job was complete, the printer sent another cue to acknowledge that the job was finished. Now, all computers do this as a matter of routine. It’s expected.

We don’t have a similar process in human communications. We send an email with no validation that the recipient has actually gotten the message and was able to read it. We assume that they got it, read it, and actually cared about it.

The bottom line with this is that communication is not about data. Effective communication is based on relationship. Building relationship is good leadership and builds good communication. The message, including the necessary data, is also essential for communication.

The email scenario I mentioned above is a toxic habit we have developed in our current era. We send data and don’t have any clue that it has been received, understood, or accepted. We are buried in messages, many of which are not messages we want to read. Cutting through the noise of communication is essential.

Here is my list of skills needed to be an effective communicator: 

Listening – As a musical conductor, I regard listening as a top leadership skill. Active listening is the key. Active listening includes the skills listed below, however, listening is the core skill. Communication is part transmission and part reception. When listening to someone, do not be afraid of leaving some silence after the other person finishes talking. Silence gives clarity. Silence validates that you have listened. Silence provides a time for preparing a thoughtful response. Listening is communication by caring and understanding.

Presenting – Leaders are people of influence. When leaders speak, it’s important to understand the influence that goes with the speaking; in fact, speaking is presenting as if to an audience. We present because we have valuable things to say. Be thoughtful and craft thoughts into meaningful, prepared presentations. There may be only one chance for getting a point across. Presenting is communicating with a message, a vision, and emotion.

Observing – Much happens in group interaction and in conversations that is missed. Leaders who observe what’s happening around them remain able to respond to what’s really happening. Observing is communication by recognizing what people have understood and what they need to understand.

Questioning – Effective leaders do not have to know all the right answers. Effective leaders ask good questions and then listen carefully to the response. Effective leaders lead by asking questions that help others develop skills and create their own answers, rather than telling others what to do. Telling others what to do shuts down their interaction and discourages independent thinking. Questioning is communication by stimulating individual thinking and problem solving.

Connecting – Leaders value team members as individuals, not only as functioning placeholders on the team. Connect to people as individuals and recognize them as a person first, and then a team member second. Connecting is communication through relationship building.

Focusing – Leading others depends on clarity of outcome and ability to focus on what is most important. Stay focused and others will respond in kind. Focus is communication through action.

This is a tall order. Leaders are not perfect. Leaders are always moving toward better, more complete systems and skills.

Keep the momentum.

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Top 5 Leadership Deficits

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress.”– Frederick Douglass

There are many things that we as leaders do that are not effective and many times we actually set up problems or make problems worse. I have mentored and coached leaders in many fields for 31+ years and still have challenges myself in these areas. We are never clear of dysfunction, especially when we are blind to our own deficits. Here’s my list of the top 5 challenges we have as leaders:

1.Over Functioning:Put simply, we do too much. Yes, we do things that other can do for us or for the enterprise we lead. It’s important to remember that being the “Leader” is different from being the “Doer.” The Transformational Leader finds things to assign to others, mentors and coaches as the task is delegated and gets out of the way. Micromanaging in the opposite of this. Assign the task or event, define the specific outcomes, create the accountabilities, and get out of the way. Did I say, get out of the way? Yes, let them do it and check in before deadlines to see where coaching or mentoring can be helpful. When the leader over functions by doing things others can do (and want to do) the response is that they under function. How often do we blame others for not doing what we want when, in fact, we have done the opposite of inspire them. The first duty of the Transformational Leader is to identify and delegate tasks that they don’t need to be doing. And to delegate enough of these to make a difference in time and energy management. Supporting 3 delegations is a practical strategy. You get enough off your place to have time to follow up.

2. No Feedback System:Blind spots are deadly! We don’t see them (hence the name, blind spots) but they see us and they compromise our effectiveness. What we don’t know that we don’t know can limit and even stop our success. Lack of self-awareness is a huge problem that’s a silent killer of attitude with teams. Everybody knows the problem except the leader. Pretending to know what you are doing is deadly and your team will prove to you that you don’t know what you are doing. Every leader needs a group of people who will speak the truth and point out the blind spots - not members of your team, however. This is the primary reason leaders need a coach.

3. The BOSS Paradigm: Not understanding how leadership works in today’s world is a set back to leaders. The old autocratic paradigm of the BOSS isn’t really the best model for the current culture. The boss model is dead. The influencer model is alive and thriving. The answer is to be able to communicate accurately what you want and then be able to mentor and coach the person to success. 

4. Not Managing Emotions: An emotional leader creates anxiety in the culture. This anxiety replaces logical thinking with emotional reacting. The leader’s ability to manage self is key to the success. If the leader isn’t disciplined, then the team isn’t disciplined. If the leader is emotional, the team is emotional. The culture is a reflection of the leader. To be able to manage self, create guiding principles to guide decision making and to keep yourself regulated. See podcast #4 “Guiding Principles” for more information. 

5. Poor Communication Skills: Educators tell us that people remember only 10% of what they hear and only 20% of what they see. Wow, it’s no wonder people get things wrong. It might also be HOW it’s communicated that causes the problem. Unclear and incomplete messages cause lots of problems and give those who are trying to dodge accountability an opportunity to place blame on someone else. Sending email as the primary communication causes many problems and is a topic for another session. The next statistic is that when hearing and seeing are combined the retention goes up to 65% or more. When there’s an activity or dialogue included the response. Here’s the solution: be sure the message is accurate and check for understanding, ask for a response to be sure that the message was received and understood. Communication is a two-way activity.

The big picture for leadership for me is to continue working on skills and systems and learn from what doesn’t work - I call these “Learning Opportunities” rather than failures. The only failure is the failure to learn from ourselves.

Keep the momentum.

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The definitive leader is a transformational leader. Transformational leadership was birthed from educational systems and the military.  The writings of BM Bass and JM Burns are cited in many, if not most, articles on transformational leadership.  In the best sense, transformational leaders equip and create community.  This community serves the articulated vision by building on the trust created through the integrity of leadership.

Transformational leaders are not intimidated by teams, committees, or boards. Conversely, they lead those groups to fulfilling participation with mutual accountability.  Empowering groups to find their creative balance is a model for transformational leadership, not a weakness as many might think.  The model requires that a leader think thoroughly through each process.  Process builds trust.  Process creates community.  Process itself is a unifying, cooperative force.

Here are the traits of a Transformational Leader:

The transformational leader:

1. Clearly Articulates Vision And Goals
2. Defines Things Others Can Do
3. Builds Leaders Within Teams
4. Effectively Delegates
5. Encourages Boldness
6. Gives Information And Support
7. Affirms And Celebrates Competence
8. Respects The Individual
9. Avoids Micromanaging
10. Models What They Preach

Here is an excerpt from my first book on transformational leadership:

Examine the word `transform`.  It does not merely mean change - or we would use that word. It is a verb with an expanded vision and is much more transcendent.  It implies a deeper, more fundamental alteration of our very form.  To transform.  The continuing process of transformation begins with the moment of inspiration and continues in us through times of action, rest and reflection.  The magic of transformation is absolutely necessary in the world of music.  Transformation occurs not only by chance, but also by direct intention - not only from the leader, but from the participants as well. The results are cumulative. Once the sense of ensemble is achieved and experienced firsthand, it can be believed.

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• Anxiety 
• Over Functioning 

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• I have established a nonprofit foundation to continue giving to charities as a legacy
• I have sufficient income to support my lifestyle and to give to charity
• I travel when and where I want to go without out worry about funding or available time

• Get index cards and a marker
• Define specific achievements and state them in present tense as already having been accomplished
• Group the cards by relevance
• Combine similar thoughts for a stronger statement
• Title each grouping
• Sequence the achievements by importance or feasibility
• Transcribe the words onto a document
• Read your goals daily

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Define what your life will look like before starting or growing your enterprise.

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Day #31 - Continuing Improvement

Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers. - Harry Truman

 Read good books with a highlighter in your hand. Mark the passages that stand out. Put the book away and read others. Come back to this book sometime in the future and have a different color highlighter in your hand. Notice that you highlight different passages than you did previously. You are ready to learn something new that you weren’t ready to learn the last time you read that book. Repeat this periodically to learn new things and to remember what you have forgotten since the last reading.

Gather knowledge and apply the learning. Don’t just acquire facts uselessly. Practice what you learn and take notes in your journal about the results. Review your journal frequently and you will learn from yourself. 

Leadership Resources *

Leadership Modules:

The Unbound Leader: Unlocking Your Inner Potential https://synervision.kartra.com/page/unboundleader 

Books:

Articles:

• Conducting Power-Packed Meetings: http://bit.ly/1e1SqeB

Websites:

Tools:

• Evernote http://evernote.com

Videos:

* Links are affiliate links. Proceeds go to my nonprofit, SynerVision Leadership Foundation.

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Day #30: Have a Coach

I absolutely believe that people, unless coached, never reach theirmaximum potential.

-Bob Nardelli

Why do you need a coach?

Successful people have a coach.

Those who continue to struggle try to figure it out on their own.

An effective coach isn’t free. When you pay for the service, you get more value.

I serve as a coach to many types of leaders. It really doesn’t matter what their discipline is, they still lead. Good leadership is good leadership. It doesn’t matter where it’s applied. A leader in charge of an organization must have the overall vision for the organization in mind at all times. The big picture is not clouded by the details of getting to that vision. A coach assists in keeping that perspective. Leaders mustn’t settle into an alternate reality. A coach assists in bringing that reality to the forefront for us.

My particular unique value is in the integration of strategy into performance. Most effective leaders think like entrepreneurs, and not like managers or people that log in hours and go home. We have a passion for something and will accomplish that very special something. Building a road map to success (strategic plan) is the first step. Next is taking that plan and making it become a reality. Both of these activities are more difficult than they appear.

We can’t do our own strategy. Period. We need outside advice on the things we know best. We have subject matter knowledge; however, putting that knowledge into a format for implementation is a separate skill. We are too close to the information to be effective in developing a comprehensive plan. The proper assistance of a coach will help in gaining the clarity of options for your vision and even create a more direct pathway to fully achieving your mission.

In the implementation of the strategy, we struggle, and struggling wastes time and money. Having a confidential advisor who understands the structure of human potential in an organization will bring more value than the cost of the service.

Coaches are different, so interview several and note how you respond to their questions. In my world, coaching is listening and asking the right questions.

If you want to try me out, register for a 25-minute power session and see if it works for you. To get on my calendar, go to http://HughCalendar.com There’s no obligation and no pressure to buy. We must be a good fit for it to work for both of us.

There’s no worksheet for this episode. Refer to episode #23 to learn about the value of having a coach. Having a coach empowers us all to be a better coach.

Next: Day #31 – Continuing Improvement

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Day #29: Support Groups

No two minds ever come together without, thereby, creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind.-Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill, in his book Think and Grow Rich, gives many examples of “mastermind” groups. This is another type of accountability and advocacy support. Regular meetings of this team will help you pool the best thinking skills of each member and the result will be greater than the sum of the parts. This is the definition of synergy that Stephen Covey uses in his writings.

When you can combine skilled thinking and customize the output to solve your life challenges, then you are one step ahead of others who are just trying to keep up.

The individuals in your thinking and resource group can be people of like mind from similar professions, or people with different goals but similar leadership principles. You can also choose a variety of individuals from different professions who have different work styles. Your group must, however, be made up of people whom you trust, and with whom you can share your innermost thoughts. Each member of the group must be successful and continuously seeking to be more successful. Choose people whom you want to be around and would like to emulate. They must also believe that one can harness the combined spiritual force to focus spiritual energy on the prescribed goal.

It works something like this:

Choose a group of people who have similar aspirations. If you are interested in programs that target those in need, choose people in the social services field. If you are interested in attracting donors, choose people with strong financial skills. If you are interested in missions… well, you get the idea.

Make your list of prospects and call them in order of preference. Stop when you have a large enough group to begin. Set your sights high. Choose people who are successful and with whom you wish to associate. After all, transformation begins with a vision. Choose someone who has seen and fulfilled a vision. Transformational Leaders begin by transforming their own lives.

Set a time to meet that will work for everyone and enforce it. Set a timeline for how long the group will exist, and then dissolve the group at the end of that time or recommit to another schedule of meetings. Begin on time, end on time, and keep your schedule. However, life does not offer us challenges in equal doses or in set time allotments. If someone in the group has a large problem or major concern to share, then begin the meeting by negotiating 1 or 2 minutes from several other members to have extra time to work on that individual’s special needs.

This is accountability in high gear! It may not be your style. Push yourself to get out of your comfort zone and share your goals. You will be an inspiration to others.

Next: Day #30 - Have a Coach

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Day #28: Managing Stress

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes everything is an emergency. -Natalie Goldberg

Stress is our internal scripts telling us lies. We can manage everything if we believe we can. We can manage our own emotions. If stress is an emotion, then it can be managed internally.

Move from feeling to thinking whenever you see that emotions are taking over your being.

Worrying is not a productive leadership skill. Empathy, worry, fear, anxiety, and the like are emotions that leaders can push out of their conscious minds. The conscious mind has a choice. Choose what to think about. Both positive and negative thoughts go directly to the subconscious mind, which has no choice but to receive them. It’s the subconscious mind that runs our bodies. We can choose what to feed the unconscious mind.

Napoleon Hill interviewed 500 successful businessmen introduced to him personally by Andrew Carnegie. He discovered their secrets to success and developed his principles for success. He also discovered that they all had a positive image they could plant in their conscious mind that would offset a negative thought. He discovered that the mind can’t hold a negative and positive thought at the same time. It’s our choice to implant positive thoughts to control how we function. It’s not easy; it’s an acquired skill strengthened over time with practice.

If the leader is anxious, then that anxiety spreads to the others in the culture. If the leader remains calm, then others remain calm. We manage our own emotions, therefore, we influence others to do the same.

Ways to handle stress:

Leaders are always working on self. We never reach a plateau and stop growing.

Next: Day #29 - Support Groups

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