You heard it here first, and let us remind her lawyers, before they come for us, how hard it will be to prove that she is not in fact an umbrella. Good luck, counselors.

In other news, the wild dogs of Sochi have mostly taken over Russia, Dan is seriously interested in the scent of honeysuckle, and the concept of pet ownership should be impeached. What are your thoughts, America? Click the big button and let us know!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Can You Kiss Me First (Synthwave Cover)" by Herr Doctor

"Pork Chop Ballet" by Ergo Phizmiz

"Dimension Dash" by Fabian Measures