Good news: Fed's wife had a baby! Bad news: this podcast is pretty much roadkill, at least for now.

This final, rambling epic of a session is most likely the last version of this show in its current form. Dan Wakes Up Screaming produced 61 episodes over four years, and we wish we could tell you that we left the world in better shape than when we started out, but you know how it is.

Here's the main thing: we've got an idea for a new show, and as soon as we can all get in the same room for an hour, we hope to start recording it. It won't be soon, but it won't be impossibly far off either, so don't delete this feed, continue discussing us with your podcast-listening friends, and keep rating us on iTunes, early and often.

From Dan and the other two fellows: many happy returns.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

"Baby Baby Baby" by Barreracudas

"Fighting Muzak" by Elvis Herod

"The Dogs Of Corporate America" by Schemawound

"Fatherhood" by Tha Silent Partner

"At the Gym" by Glove Compartment

"Pee-Pee-Maw-Maw" by Greg Houwer

"Chock Fool of Nuts" by Guinea Worms

"Dumb Baby" by The Coathangers

"Denver" by Blah Blah Blah

The fellows meet a legend from the 70s psych-jazz scene and find themselves mixed up in a supernatural grudge match between immortal super-villains. Also Dan ran some sort of race. Episode thirty-three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is available for your listening pleasure.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"(I Need Ya) L.O.V.E" by Fernando

"Horror" by Gardenella

"sweet and lowdown" by Duke Hugh

"Paris (Stereoboy Remix)" by LASERS

"Lift Off" by Toxic Chicken

"Spacey Build" by Ryan Cullinane

Brian tours the Iberian Peninsula and commits a tasty felony, Dan fails out of spitting lessons, and Fed, well, God bless Fed. It's Episode 33.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"We Got A Runner" by 1donotuse

"The Runner" by David Szesztay

"Listen, Lisbon (Instrumental)" by Loch Lomond

"Words 2 Say" by Graphic Antics

"God Bless His Mess" by Buskerdroid

"Pig" by Dyman

You heard it here first, and let us remind her lawyers, before they come for us, how hard it will be to prove that she is not in fact an umbrella. Good luck, counselors.

In other news, the wild dogs of Sochi have mostly taken over Russia, Dan is seriously interested in the scent of honeysuckle, and the concept of pet ownership should be impeached. What are your thoughts, America? Click the big button and let us know!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Can You Kiss Me First (Synthwave Cover)" by Herr Doctor

"Pork Chop Ballet" by Ergo Phizmiz

"Dimension Dash" by Fabian Measures

This episode was recorded on the first of April, so there is a lot of chat about pranks which is probably no longer seasonally appropriate. Other matters discussed include Fed's eccentric alternatives to coffee cups, Brian's attempted relations with twenty somethings, and Dan's intense emotional reaction to Fed not remembering watching Tango and Cash with him. Please enjoy, share, and rate part one of Episode Thirty Two of Dan Wakes up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Fools" by The Pop Winds

"Bicycle" by The Hate Noise

"Villainy Thrives" by Dyslexic Fudgicle

"Puddle Hoppin" by Anitek

"Foolin'" by Nando

"Such A Stupid Fool" by Expert Alterations

"I Can't Stop Being Foolish" by The Mint Chicks

"Good Night Heart" by My Bubba & Mi

In what is likely to result in millions of downloads and at least one Pulitzer, we have scored the ultimate podcast get: an exclusive interview with a POTUS. It is not unlike when Mark Maron sat down with Obama, although the president that we were able to get is of decidedly lower quality.

Phone the neighbors and wake the kids: it's the conclusion of Episode Thirty One of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Country Boy" by Rodd Keith and the Raindrops

"Delicious peanut" by Xerak

"Edge Of The Ocean" by Ivy

"Gay_Bar_videogame" by The Wildbunch

"Cthulu Rises" by Dark Asylum Music

"Twit JournalisT" by Alaclair Ensemble

"The Declaration of Independance" by Cullah

Dan recently celebrated a birthday, which he refers to as "the saddest day of the year." If you see a gaunt, haunted man staring blankly out a Brooklyn window in February, odds are that's Dan. Do us a favor Dan, and dial nine whine whine, 'cause that's the number for the waaaambulance, you know what I'm saying? I considered naming this episode "Dan Wakes Up Weeping."

If all that doesn't sound appealing, we also we compare nosebleed stories. Enjoy!

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Lost Children" by Post Human Era

"Cherry Dump Cake" by half cocked

"Dizzy ke Peeche" by Martinibomb

"Blood On Your Face" by OBN IIIs

"I Made Out by Love Story" In Blood Red

This episode was recorded the day of the Women's March, which already seems like sepia-toned ancient history. Even then, a mere twenty-four hours into our nation's current horror, we were already too outrage-fatigued to notice that Executive Branch necromancers had animated the wretched corpse of Lee Greenwood with dark magics. Why isn't it more of a scandal that Jeff Sessions is clearly an undead sorcerer of some kind?

In other news: Dan fights the timber wolves of Quebec, Brian sympathizes with a skinhead acquaintance from high school, and Fed doesn't think cats should vape. We'll be honest America, this one gets a little weird.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Resiste!" by el zombi flash

"Pussy Footin" by Rye Coalition

"Fuck This Fucking Bullshit (PHIKTION REMIXX)" by Pot-C

"Back Stairs" by Podington Bear

"Bad Dog" by Bad Ronald

"Quebec" by Don Bikoff

"High On Desire (French version)" by Sky Parade

"Sad French Accordion" by Dana Boulé

November and December lasted five years each. Halloween was a lifetime ago. The calendar is crawling. Did it feel this way between Bush's election and inauguration? I can’t remember.

It's finally January, the slowest and foulest four weeks of the year, in which that New Year’s fresh perspective dissolves in an acid bath of seasonal affective disorder. And that's in a normal, non-apocalyptic year. The inauguration is in a week.

This first episode of 2017 features the fellows discussing the music and movies of the late 1980s. Is it not comforting that if nothing else, as all our other institutions crumble around us, the three dudes of Dan Wakes Up Screaming are still going on about things that happened to them when they were eleven?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Crystal Mace" by Waylon Thornton and the Heavy Hands

"Sultry Space Showers" by BLEO

"Sunny Morning Exercise Club" by Origami Repetika

I haven't heard from Dan since the news broke about George Michael. I'm picturing him alone somewhere in a sequined motorcycle jacket over a bare chest, sitting on a stool in a dark room under a spotlight, weeping softly as he ignores all my texts. Also I just heard that Carrie Fisher is dead too. And our new president doesn't think we have enough nuclear weapons. The Holidays are cancelled, everybody. We don't deserve it this year. Let's all just sit at home and think about what we did.

And now that I'm done yelling at you, would you mind rating us on iTunes?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"New Years Party by Toptygin (live)" by Kim & Buran

"New Year's Eve" by Silence Is Sexy

"Losing Over Christmas" by Greg Atkinson

"Hellidays (b/w Christmas in Hollis)" by The Impossebulls

"Too Far Gone" by Ryan Little

"Holiday" by Dave Depper

"Ghosts From Hell In The Year 1972" by Lucas Perný & Miroslav Kollar