This episode was recorded two weeks after the election. We were having a contest to see who could be the most hopeless dude in the room, and it was pretty much a four way tie if you count Griffin.

Fortunately for the listener, Dan had the good sense to cut out most of our talk of panic and revulsion, which you've probably heard enough of recently. We tried to be funny, and for the most part it worked out. Fed improvised a character, Dan discussed the dandruff commercials of the 1980s, Brian wondered aloud if he could use the election as an excuse to take up smoking again.

Anyway, we are thinking about dropping out of human society and becoming hippies, so drop us a line if you want to reserve a bunkhouse in our commune.

In closing, happy holidays! Also fuck Donald Trump in his fat stupid face.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Mr Trumpet" by Ketsa

"I Cannot Describe My Happiness" by Paneye

"Coping With Shed Fires" by Ca$h4otterz

"Jambox of Culture" by Dyslexic Fudgicle

"The Walls Ate My Sister's Dog" by BlunderBox

"And Now We Stand Against The Wall" by Garmisch

"Wall of Dumb" by Higgins

In October of 2013, three men sat down in a booth at Halyard's Bar and turned on a microphone. American culture was changed forever that night, even if America hasn't quite realized it yet.

This is the fiftieth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. That may not sound like a lot of output for three years, but as all the Screamers know, this bespoke, handcrafted audio is not like other podcasts. Dan carefully crafts each episode out of the fart noises and muttered slurs that we give him, week after week, to produce something magical. They say you can't polish a turd, but Dan has done just that fifty times.

Please, for the love of God, like us on Facebook and rate us on iTunes. What are you doing, waiting for the 100th episode?

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Donald Trump is Wrong" (Tetration Remix)

"Dictionary (Kurser)" by K. Sparks

"Renewed Rivalry Vibrato" by Trans Atlantic Rage

"THINGAMAJIG" by Jason Shaw

"MOUNTAIN SUN" by Jason Shaw

Fed can bring home the bacon. Brian can cook it up in a pan. Dan will never let you forget that you're a man. Enjoy this new episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Years of Flirtin'" by Wooden Ambulance

"Uncomercialized Prostitute" by The Frankenstone

"League of Impressionable Teens" by So Cow

"Flower of Scotland" by Ian Alex Mac

"Appendix to Frequency Histograms for Predictor Variables" by Learning Music

"Florida" by Austin Leonard Jones

"Blood-tide" by Agnosept

In this third episode of August we review our summer vacations, do unflattering impressions of the Founding Fathers, introduce Judge Fedd, the grammar enforcer, and continue to totally ignore the ongoing presidential election. You are welcome, America. Please enjoy part one of Episode 26 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Exclamation Points" by Goodbye Rumiko

"Last Sentence" by Dikes of Holland

"The Jeffersons" by CuzOH

"Hummingbird Cell" by Dinner Music

Human sexuality is a fascinating conundrum, and the fellows spend much of this episode trying to think of ways to cash in on it. Also, Brian falls victim to a classic long con, Dan and Fed tell unappetizing stories about sleepaway camp, and we are visited by the Money Deliverer. Please enjoy this episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Kiss Me Harder Boy" by Fernando

"Good Morning, Bubblegum" by The Harvey Girls

"If You Tell Me (Who I Am) Feat. Steffe Welton" by Carter Behnke

"Money Shot" by The Money Shot

"Connect-shun" by My Teenage Stride

Residents of Kensington may have recently seen a disheveled and nearly nude man crawling around on a fire escape with a can of WD-40. Episode 25.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming attempts to explain what was going on there.

Also, could you guys please give this podcast a rating on iTunes? You have Dan's thanks in advance.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Bitchin' Heat" by Dancer

"It's The Heat" by Ashley Paul

"Heat" by Tricky Diesel

"Heat Index" by Michael Chapman & The Woodpiles

"Heat Exhaustion" by Isaac Graham

Welcome to July, Screamers. This episode was recorded in Fed's immaculately clean apartment, which, I cannot stress enough, was entirely spotless and tidy when we arrived.

In this edition of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, we meet Bun Bun the Toilet Bunny, an actual non-fictional rabbit who lives behind Fed's toilet and drinks water out of one of his coffee cups. We also discuss Brian's charmed career and hang out with a time-travelling gentleman bandit.

Also, dear listener, could we trouble you to give this podcast a rating on iTunes? The only people who have done so are our pets.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Wind In Her Hair" by Motorman

"Me and the Wind" by Doug Gillard

"Betty Boop" by Ergo Phizmiz

"Boop" by Podington Bear

"Perfect One" by Man Bites Dog

"Rabbiting" by Podington Bear

"Bees Are Trying To Build Their Nest In You." by Half-handed Cloud

"Blow Up Your Radio" by Nick Percev

"Sleaze Is Here" by The Honorable Sleaze

"Sun Bum" by Monster Rally

"Bump" by Mucca Pazza

Spoiler alert: the best part of this episode is when Fed says "I'm sure he's fine." That won't make any sense to you until you hear it, but trust me, it's just great. Other highlights: Brian talks about the time he was nearly murdered by mice, and Dan admits that he doesn't know how to pronounce "bruschetta," and also that he nearly burned down his hometown as a young man. Please enjoy the finale of Episode Twenty-Three of Dan Wakes Of Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Ride My Tempo" by Fhernando

"On Fire" by Jasmine Golan

"Popcorn House" by The Immaculates

"Comme un Popcorn dans une Marmite [Like Popcorn in a Pot]" by Miss Emma

"Flags" by The Spits

"Future Fetish" by Onyx System

"Save The World (From Ourselves)" by Westy Reflector

In this episode we learn that if Fed were rich he would drive around in a Cadillac full of caviar, and maybe some day he would also go to a dentist. Meanwhile, Dan proposes that we refer to fans of the podcast as "the screamers," and also hears the phrase "mad blunted" for the first time. Finally, Brian warns the ladies of Brooklyn about a new pickup artist scam... and without giving anything away, let's just say that everyone should stop having casual sex with dentists until further notice.

Please enjoy the first part of the twenty-third episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Bionic Boiz" by Yakuza Heart Attack

"I was bad with you my baby (Sorry I'm a bad boy part 2)" by Dinosaur Jugnot

"Great Pyramid" by Celebration

"yramidia" by Ja Prawn

"Confidence" by CM aka Creative

"Years of Flirtin'" by Wooden Ambulance

Dan falls in love with a flower, Fed performs a historical reenactment of Jefferson Davis, and Brian admits to being a pretty bad men's room attendant in this, the twenty-second episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Octopussy” by Juanitos

"Teenage Girl Ghoul A Go-Go (re-mix)" by Armageddon Gospel Revival

"Rose Tint" by Young Romance

"You Got It Man" by Dancer