Dan Wakes Up Screaming

Season Two of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is upon us. Phone the neighbors, wake the kids, tell your friends about your favorite podcast. Seriously, please, tell your friends about this podcast.

In this episode, Dan recalls some boorish behavior in college which resulted in a comeuppance of near-Biblical proportions. It's got to be one of the thirty best anecdotes we have about Dan acting like a jackass hero. Also Fed tries out a new wacky morning zoo crew persona, and Brian contributes almost nothing at all, as he had recently moved again, and was tired.

Female celebrities from the 80s discussed in this episode include Olivia-Newton John, Joyce Dewitt, Linda Ronstadt, Stevie Nicks, Christine McVie, and Kristy McNichol.

Music credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Strina Calabrese” by Italian Village Music and Dance

“Hell Dog Rape” by Krebs

“The Second Homecoming” by sirqueue

“my other penis is a vagina” by mr&mrsBrian

“magical shower outrun” by pink

“Cock Block Disco (Live)” by Bit Shifter

Special holiday weekend edition! In Cold Blood might be the best book ever written, but it's nothing compared to the Capote's major life work: The Black and White Ball. We had an audience with Capote's departed spirit (he's a friend of Mike's, apparently) and asked several pressing questions.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Last Days of Disco” by Fhernando

“Keg Baseball” by Centz

“The Last Slice of Pecan Pie (Instrumental Version)” by Josh Woodward

“Basement Music (Up In The Attic Instrumental)” by Deadly Combo

“Corpse Flower 2 Floors Down” by Bomis Prendin

“Cocktail Maker” by Brown Torpedo

“Fuck the Free World” by Ergo Phizmiz

After every episode of this podcast, one of the celebrities mentioned therein has died. No kidding, every one. There could be a non-supernatural explanation for this, for instance: a lot of elderly celebrities come up on this podcast, which is produced by elderly podcasters. But the fellows know the truth: Dan Wakes Up Screaming is cursed, a lot like the haunted videotape from The Ring, which may explain why no one listens.

It's getting sort of terrifying to wield this much power over life and death, so this time the fellows intentionally selected someone to reap the whirlwind. It's nothing personal, and this way, if nothing else, the unfortunate celebrity has time to get his affairs in order.

Also... dear Shelly Long: please be careful out there, you have been tempting fate for nearly a year.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Ride My Tempo” by Fhernando

“I Owe it to the sunlight” by Water Sark

"Resistor Anthems" by Eric Skiff

“Life Coach” by Mountain High

“Sun Lotion” by Steadman

“Black and White” by Void Vision

In this finale to the trilogy which episode three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming became, the fellows investigate a sinister society whose covert machinations have influenced Western society for untold generations. Also, there are dick jokes.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“So Close” by Herr Doktor

“Revenge” by Herr Doktor

“Dying Inside” by The Warm Feelings

“Ballada Bezbożna” by Metalmorphosis

“Klezmer Hora” by Ardei Iute Moldavian string band

“Sly & The Family Jones” by Mike Schpitz and Phys Edison

“Wave” by MANOLIS

“Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief” by MCRB

Alternate title: Terrifying True Tales of Public Nudity. Also, former lacrosse wunderkind Fed explains the purpose of a jock strap to the other, less athletically-inclined fellows, who can't seem to imagine why a person would wear such a thing. This could be our most groin-centric offering yet! You are warned, America. Part three of this epic session debuts next week.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Beach Life” by Miami Slice

“Italian Opera” by UV Protection

“DIN-DANDAN” by EeL

Don't think about the title of this episode. Instead, let it wash over you. Savor the music of the syllables. Mutter it to yourself as you go through your day. What dark truths does this phrase conceal? What can it tell us about ourselves, and the world in which we live? It is for the scholars to say.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Three minutes on summertime” by Distemper

“Lonely Cowboys” by Simon Mathewson

“WRESTLING BACK STRONG FEELINGS SILENTLY” by Jared C. Balogh

“Sombrero - Calentones” by Chico Trujillo

The plague of airplanes continues unabated, and the fellows huddle indoors, where they are visited by an illustrator from a celebrated magazine.

Music Credits:

“Saeta: Pilatos por no dejar” by La Nina de los Peines

“Infinite Mammalia” by The Polish Ambassador

“Sittin' on Top of the World” by Nobody's Bizness

“Just a Feelin'” by Majik Most

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Listeners will probably wonder why the fellows decided to record this episode on the tarmac of what sounds like the world's busiest airport. They were actually just sitting in Brian's yard as usual, as some sort of Lost or possibly X-Files situation was going on, and for some reason every airplane on the Eastern Seaboard decided to buzz Crown Heights. Dan Wakes Up Screaming apologizes for the interference, and hopes that the episode's merits will outweigh its shortcomings.

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Disco Disco Disco Theque” by Kazoo Funk Orchestra

“Bloodrop” by raw zombiez

“Sculptor of Flesh” (by Pulsipher)

All eleven of our listeners know that the second parts of these episodes tend to come apart a bit. Generally the boys have cracked a second sixer, and there's a lot of giggling, snorting, and dick jokes. Well, this hour of content is no exception.

There is an awful lot of singing this time around, and the important word there is awful. Other highlights include Dan bellowing and raging about Small Wonder, you know, that show with the little girl robot? Also Brian tells the harrowing tale of that one time he almost shook hands with Zach Galifianakis. Please to enjoy.

Music Credits:

“Like Birds Shit” by Mad Screw

“Sittin' on Top of the World” by Nobody's Bizness

“Just a Feelin'” by Majik Most

“¡Qué Paciencia!” by Los Sundayers

“Terrifica Vs Fantastico” by The Womb

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

Good news, America: scheduling conflicts and personal issues have been abolished, and the fire hose of premium, gratis content is once again spraying into the faces of the listening public.

In this episode, Dan proposes a theme song, and a motto, which perfectly captures the spirit of the podcast, and recalls the creative effort of three iconic artists with whom the fellows feel a brotherly kinship.

Music Credits:

“Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker

“Rod Stewart” by No Monster Club

“The Jim Morrison Seance Tapes” by We're Late For Class

“field recording - drunk saxophone” by Anonymous

“Touch a Clown in the Frightness” by EAT!