…But the most damaging comparison isn’t external - it’s internal.

It’s you vs the version of you in your head who:

* Never struggles

* Always feels motivated

* Copes better

* Finds things easier

That version doesn’t ...even ...exist.

But we still use it as the benchmark.

And then we wonder why everything feels heavier than it needs to.

Why do you find it so hard? Ermmm maybe because it’s (objectively) hard...

One of the most important reminders from this episode:

When you’re wondering “what’s wrong with me ... .Why am I finding it so hard??”

Remember: Some things are hard because they are objectively hard.

Not because you’re weak.

Not because you’re behind.

Not because you’re incapable.

But when you’re in the messy middle - the discomfort, the part when you don’t know if it’s all working ... your brain will often turn struggle into a personal failing.

This episode is about catching that moment ...and choosing not to be another voice in your own head tearing you down.

A BETTER way to use comparison (that actually builds confidence)

Here’s the realisation that changed everything for me:

Instead of comparing yourself to the version of you who never struggles…compare yourself to the version of you who didn’t even show up.

The version who:

* Didn’t send the proposal in the first place

* Didn’t put themselves forward for that thing

* Didn’t go to the class / networking event / interview

* Didn’t try

Suddenly, everything you’re doing becomes bonus effort, not evidence that you’re failing.

That’s how comparison starts to build confidence instead of erode it.

Because let’s not forget - YOU HAVE A CHOICE...

Let your effort count

Your 100% won’t look the same every day.

Comparing yourself to fantasy standards disconnects you from reality ...and from your own progress. Episode 325 is about:

* How to stay grounded when you want to self-doubt-spiral

* How to use comparison in a healthier way

* How to stop the inner critic mid-effort

* How to let your effort count ... not in a ‘toxic positivity’ kind of way, but in a balanced way.

...Especially on days when you feel tired, hormonal, stretched, or off-form.

Quotes from episode 325:

“Most comparison isn’t to other people. It’s comparing yourself to the perfect version of you that doesn’t even exist.” (~16:20)

“There are enough people in the world who will put you down. I don’t need to be another voice in my own head doing that to myself.” (~17:42)

“Our brains naturally focus on where we’re behind. But every book I read comes back to the same thing: you’ve got to let your progress count.” (~27:24)

Loved this? Here’s more episodes linked to this topic:

* Episode 323 – Self Sabotage

* Episode 203 – The Costs of Dodging Disapproval in Business

* Episode 80 – Unhooking from Praise & Criticism

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nikkicross.substack.com