SHOW NOTES

Stop Making Your Setbacks Your Identity

Episode 350

Host: Laura Cox Kaplan

THIS WEEK’S TOPIC:

It’s the second week of January, and while you may still be motivated by those fresh New Year goals, life is starting to get busy, and maybe a little messy. Have you ever missed a workout, deviated from your plan, or slipped up at work and immediately thought, “This is who I am. I always fall off”? You’re not alone. In this episode, Laura Cox Kaplan dives into the links between our setbacks and our self-identity. Rather than obsessing about “fixing your goals,” she explores how to change the stories you attach to your slip-ups, so you can reset, recover, and thrive no matter what life throws at you.

This episode unpacks research-backed strategies for reframing setbacks, discusses why the “messy middle” of pursuing any goal is so normal (and necessary!), and delivers powerful, actionable tips to return to your goals without letting one rough week define you. If you’re tough on yourself when you “fall off track,” don’t miss this empowering pep talk.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:

• THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SETBACK AND AN IDENTITY STORY:
• Discover why experiencing a slip and internalizing that slip are two entirely different things.
• HOW THE MESSY MIDDLE FUELS PROGRESS (NOT FAILURE):
• Learn why feeling stuck, unmotivated, or unsure is often a normal, healthy sign you’re actually doing hard, meaningful work.
• RESEARCH-BACKED FRAMEWORKS TO SUPPORT YOUR GOAL JOURNEY:
• Laura shares insights from psychologists like Daphna Osserman on identity-based motivation, and ideas like “possible selves” from Hazel Markus and Paula Nurius to help you see setbacks as data, not verdicts.
• THE POWER OF LANGUAGE AND SELF-COMPASSION:
• Discover how shifting from negative labels to empowering ones can spark resilience and sustainable growth.
• PRACTICAL TOOLS TO RESET FASTER:
• Implementation intentions (also known as “if-then” plans), growth mindset reframes, and asking “am I backsliding or am I building?” will help you bounce back with less self-criticism.
• WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO PRACTICE (NOT PERFECT) YOUR GOALS:
• Laura explains how practicing your word of the year and celebrating small wins builds true self-influence and the resilience needed to thrive.

THERE’S SO MUCH INSIGHT AND ENCOURAGEMENT IN THIS EPISODE!

If you struggle with inner criticism after a setback, these ideas will help you reset your narrative, reset your plan, and celebrate who you are becoming, not just what you do. Which part of this episode resonated with you most? We’d love to hear! Contact us using the links below.

RESOURCES & LINKS:

• Previous episode on scaffolding your goals: Episode 349
• Laura’s free downloadable workbook with more than 100 reflection prompts: lauracoxkaplan.com
• Carol Dweck’s book “Mindset”
• Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion

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• Instagram: @lauracoxkaplan
• LinkedIn: Laura Cox Kaplan
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