Robert Anderson, a theologian from the early 20th century, once said, "In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage."

If you look hard enough, you can find reasons to call it quits in almost any marriage. Missed expectations, disagreements, annoyances, boredom—the list goes on.

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It's easy to build a stacked case against staying together because we're wired to notice what's wrong or lacking. But here's the catch: that same attention to flaws, if left unchecked, can quietly sabotage the strongest unions.

So why did Anderson focus on the "trick" of finding grounds for marriage? Because what keeps a marriage alive, even thriving, isn't ignoring the challenges or pretending everything is perfect. It's deliberately seeking out what makes the partnership worthwhile—what justifies the commitment day after day, year after year.

Finding reasons to divorce? That's the easy part. Finding reasons to stay? That's the real work.

What does finding grounds for marriage even mean?

It means shifting your perspective from "What's wrong?" to "What's right? What remains? What can grow?" It's about spotting the moments, choices, and qualities that build connection and trust—even when the hard stuff shows up. It's reminding yourself what drew you here in the first place, and discovering new reasons to keep choosing each other.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Discover new reasons to keep choosing each other!

You might think this sounds almost naive. But it's not. It's practical and necessary. Marriages don't stay strong on autopilot. Without conscious effort, dissatisfaction breeds. And that's where the real danger lies.

Three Things Spouses Can Do to Find Grounds for Marriage

1. Celebrate Small Wins Together It's easy to overlook everyday kindnesses or strengths because they don't shout for attention. Instead of letting these moments slip by, make a habit of recognizing the small ways you support and appreciate each other. This habit rewires your attention from "problems" to "progress," keeping the positive momentum alive.

2. Create Shared Goals and Meaning When the grind of life sets in, your relationship can start to feel like parallel worlds rather than a partnership. Building and revisiting joint aspirations—whether they're big dreams or simple rituals—grounds your connection. You're not just enduring together, you're moving forward with purpose.

3. Practice Compassionate Communication Conflict is inevitable, but how you handle it defines your bond. Choosing curiosity over judgment and patience over impatience opens pathways to understanding instead of walls. Compassionate conversations remind you both why you're on the same team.

The truth is, no marriage is perfect. Finding and cultivating reasons to stay isn't about ignoring flaws—it's about finding reasons that outweigh them. The "grounds for marriage" aren't just the big milestones but also the persistent everyday choices to value, respect, and build with your partner.

So, what do you think? Is focusing on "grounds for marriage" a radical idea, or just common sense reframed?

If your focus shifts from "Why should I leave?" to "Why should I stay?" you might be surprised at the strength you discover—both in your partner and in yourself. That's the real secret Anderson was pointing to. Divorce might always have reasons on its side, but marriage demands you find reasons too. Bold reasons that last.

"Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"

#RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage

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Music by Mandisa - Overcomer

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Song ID: 68209 Song Title: Overcomer Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI) One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.