3am Thoughts

Pausing the story to have the conversation that doesn't happen enough.

Will I bond with the baby? Will they bond with me? Would it be as it would've been with my own egg? What if I don't bond and Marco leaves me? Am I interchangeable?

The questions that keep you up at 3am. The grief of losing your own eggs. The fear you never say out loud.

And the science I didn't understand until later: epigenetics. Your body doesn't just carry a baby. It shapes one. Throughout pregnancy, your hormones, immune system, nutrients, rhythm, and environment influence how genes are expressed. Your body teaches the baby how to grow.

You're not outside the biology of motherhood. You're living another version of it.

In this discussion:

❓ The loaded question of donor eggs at different stages

💔 Coming to terms with the loss of a fundamental part of you

🌙 The questions that keep you up at 3am about bonding

😢 "What if I don't bond with the baby and Marco leaves me?"

🤐 The question I never said out loud: Am I interchangeable?

👶 The birth that didn't go as planned

💕 The moment all the bonding questions melted away

🧬 What epigenetics actually means for donor egg pregnancies

🔬 "Your body teaches the baby how to grow"

📚 The science: pregnancy is NOT passive

💭 "If another woman could provide the egg, what made me the mother?"

✨ "Motherhood was never a single biological moment"

❤️ Every burble, stretch, face rub made me love them more

📸 The photo of baby on Marco's chest that made my heart explode

🧠 How your body shapes gene expression before birth

👩‍🍼 You're not stepping outside biology – you're living another version

💫 "Love grows quietly, in the repetition of care"

🕒 The 3am questions that still visit (without fear now)

The truth? The questions are endless. The grief is real. But your body is part of the story – deeply, actively, undeniably.

📖 READ THE FULL POST: https://3amthoughts.me/2026/02/27/lets-unpack-the-question-what-about-donor-eggs/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for the full journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Are you considering donor eggs? What questions keep you up?

Did you know about epigenetics and how the gestational mother shapes gene expression?

Have you struggled with feeling "interchangeable"?

Did you feel the hormone rush immediately at birth?

What does "biologically separate" mean to you now?

Have you experienced the melting away of bonding fears?

What would you tell your 3am Googling self?

This is a safe space. Share your donor egg experience. The questions are valid. The grief is real.

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses donor egg decision-making, deep fears about bonding with donor-conceived children, feeling interchangeable or "past it," births that don't go as planned, not feeling immediate hormone rushes, the grief of losing your own eggs, and the science of how gestational mothers biologically shape their babies through epigenetics. This is emotionally vulnerable content. Please take care while watching.

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. This discussion pauses the chronological story to address the questions that kept me up at night, the science I didn't understand, and the truth about how your body shapes your donor-conceived baby.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

COMMUNITY GUIDELINES:

This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation about donor egg decisions. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. No judgment about the questions you ask, the fears you have, or the path you choose. The questions about bonding are valid. The grief is real. Just understanding and support.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal experience with donor eggs and is not medical advice. The science of epigenetics is real and well-documented, but everyone's experience with donor conception is unique. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals and mental health providers about your own fertility decisions. This discussion honours the complexity and grief while sharing the hope and science that helped me.

The Questions, The Mistake, and Finding Our Match

August 2021. POF diagnosis. Time to move forward with donor eggs. But first, I had to face the questions that haunt every woman making this decision.

Then I discovered the mistake.

Mount Etna erupting

COVID drama at the airport.

The donor offer

In this episode:

❓ The endless questions about donor eggs and bonding

💔 "What if I don't bond with the baby and Marco leaves me?"

🇬🇧 UK vs abroad: giving the child the right to know their donor

💰 Paying for initial appointments before getting real answers

📊 Asking for blood results and discovering the truth

😱 My estrogen flatlined after progesterone tablets

🩺 "They are experts in getting you pregnant" – not fixing underlying issues

❌ The consultant who shot me down about estrogen therapy

💉 Getting the COVID vaccine – protecting myself to protect the baby

🎯 "The end of fertility treatment was like a release"

📝 The counselling session about talking to your child early

🥚 COVID-depleted egg banks – we wanted fresh eggs anyway

🔬 The last push: laser therapy, Radiant Wonder, visualisation

🌋 Mount Etna erupting while we were in the air to Sicily

🎄 Italian family Christmas – "I wasn't pregnant. But I already knew it. I'd let go."

😰 The first donor offering that wasn't quite right

✈️ Turned away at the airport – Fit2Fly certificate in Italian!

🎉 Finding our donor on our anniversary

The brutal truth? The questions are endless. The worry about bonding is real. Discovering your fertility clinic made a mistake that flatlined your estrogen. Turning down a donor and praying another comes. Finally being ready to let go.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2026/02/12/chapter-eleven-donor-eggs/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Mushrooms, Mindset and POF https://youtu.be/UeINYZjpq_U

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: My IVF Journey & Catalogue of Errors coming soon

🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/ZhZ4TDsj9Lk

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you faced the donor egg bonding questions?

Did you choose the UK or abroad for donor conception? Why?

Have you discovered a medical mistake that affected your fertility?

Has a clinic shot you down when you asked about alternatives?

Did you experience the "release" of shifting from your own eggs to donor eggs?

Have you turned down a donor? What was that like?

How did COVID affect your fertility journey?

What does "being ready to let go" look like for you?

This is a safe space. Share your story. The questions about donor eggs are valid and real.

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses donor egg decision-making, fears about bonding with donor-conceived children, discovering medical mistakes that ended own-egg possibilities, the anxiety of turning down donors, COVID travel complications during fertility treatment, and the complex emotions of acceptance and moving forward. Please take care while watching.

WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 12:

We've found our donor – preparing for the cycle

Having fun before IVF begins

Trying to adjust medication for my IBD

The argument with the nurse about one-size-fits-all protocols

"They only adapt if it doesn't work the first time"

Realising they don't monitor levels, just dose you high

"It doesn't do any harm" (spoiler: not true)

Perfect womb lining, IBD still calm

The catalogue of clinic errors begins

Sent to the wrong place for scans

Prescriptions not sent to the dispenser

Price increases we weren't told about

Charged for things not disclosed as extra costs

Allergic reaction email ignored

The pregnancy test: positive or negative?

My persistence paid off

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the honest truth about the questions that haunt you, the mistakes that change everything, and finding your match on the anniversary that started it all.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

COMMUNITY GUIDELINES:

This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation about donor egg decisions. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. No judgment about choosing donors, where you go for treatment, or the questions that keep you up at night. Just understanding and support.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health, fertility, and donor egg journey and is not medical advice. Decisions about donor conception, clinic choice, and fertility treatment are deeply personal. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own fertility journey. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience, including medical mistakes that affected outcomes and the complex emotions of choosing donor eggs.

The Final Push Before the Diagnosis

I'd finally found a doctor who looked at me as a whole and listened. My oestrogen was too high for me to be in menopause, he told me, and I was buzzing.

Then came earthing sheets, immunology tests, more food restrictions, gratitude journals, affirmations, and doubled supplements. The relentless optimism and continually picking myself up.

In this episode:

🍄 Houri's recommendation: medicinal mushrooms and Dr. Trevor Wing

✨ "Your estrogen would be on the floor if you were in menopause"

🩺 Immunology blood tests and the NHS runaround

🥛 "You're allergic to dairy" - eating gets harder again

😭 Happy to be weepy at Christmas commercials (the medication was working!)

📝 Gratitude journals, affirmations, yoga - the full mindset work

📚 Reading Fearlessly Fertile and going all in

❓ Dr. Wing's gentle question: "Do you want to start thinking about egg donation?"

💪 "I wanted one more try with my bowels in good shape"

🌍 Earthing sheets and the long list of optimisation

🍽️ Food stress hitting its peak - obsessed with everything I ate

💉 To vaccinate or not to vaccinate during fertility treatment

🎫 Turning down VIP Royal Blood tickets to avoid COVID risk

🏥 May, June, July - ovaries still quiet, still quiet, still quiet

📋 August diagnosis: Premature Ovarian Failure (POF)

🤔 "Most doctors wouldn't class it as POF... because I was in my 40s"

💔 The mistake I realised just after my 43rd birthday

The brutal truth? Relentless positivity is exhausting. Doing everything "right" while your body refuses to cooperate. The lack of control. The food obsession. Still not being done even when you get the diagnosis.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2026/01/28/chapter-ten-mushrooms-mindset-and-pof/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back [Link]

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Donor Eggs coming soon

🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/ZhZ4TDsj9Lk

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you experienced relentless positivity becoming exhausting?

Have you done "everything right" while your body refused to cooperate?

Has food stress or optimisation become obsessive on your journey?

Did you face the COVID vaccine decision during fertility treatment?

Have you been told you're "too old" for a diagnosis that doesn't have an age limit?

How do you cope with a lack of control in fertility treatment?

Have you worked on your mindset while your ovaries stayed quiet?

What does "doing everything in your power" look like for you?

This is a safe space. Share your story. The exhaustion of relentless positivity is real.

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses POF diagnosis, age prejudice in medical diagnosis, the exhaustion of relentless positivity, food anxiety becoming obsessive, lack of control during COVID restrictions, vaccine hesitancy during fertility treatment, repeated disappointment when ovaries stay quiet, and discovering a mistake that affected IVF outcomes. Please take care while watching.

WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 11:

The vaccination decision I finally made

Searching for an IVF clinic and the pay-to-play system

Realising what killed my cycle (but it's not over)

Research into forcing cycles vs. waiting

Grafting onto ovaries - a new frontier

My trial with laser and electro-acupuncture

Home estrogen tests and the decision to stop

Christmas in Sicily and COVID drama

Etna decides to interfere with travel plans

Getting denied boarding

Finding our donor

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the exhausting, obsessive, hopeful truth about relentless positivity when your ovaries stay stubbornly quiet and you're not ready to give up.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

COMMUNITY GUIDELINES:

This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation about the exhaustion of doing everything "right" on a fertility journey. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. No judgment about how far you go, how much you optimise, or when you decide enough is enough. Just understanding and support.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health, fertility, and emotional journey and is not medical advice. Decisions about vaccination, supplements, fertility treatments, and optimisation strategies are deeply personal. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own fertility treatment, mental health, and medical decisions. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience, including the moments when age prejudice affected diagnosis criteria and when relentless positivity became exhausting.

When Hope Becomes Exhausting

July 2020. We booked a UK fertility clinic. I had my first scan. The doctor told me I had a "beautifully healthy reproductive system." I nearly skipped out of the clinic.

The never-ending cycle of hope and disappointment - rinse and repeat.

October 1st: Sitting alone in a waiting room, in tears, while Marco waited outside in the car. Not allowed in.

In this episode:

🇮🇹 Last adventures in tourist-free Italy before heading back

🏥 July 13th scan: "You have a beautifully healthy reproductive system"

🎉 The vindication moment - I nearly skipped out of the clinic

💊 Progesterone tablets to kick-start my cycle

😊 Walking on Devil's Dyke bubbling with positivity - "This is it!"

🩸 My first period in over a year - never thought I'd be so happy

📉 IVF cycle scan: quiet ovaries, low estrogen, high LH

😤 My birthday beach rant and Marco saying "everything will be fine"

💔 When your rock doesn't know what to say (even when you told them what to say)

🤷 The fertility doctor's shrug that said everything

🏜️ "My ovaries were a ghost town"

😢 Sitting alone in the waiting room because of COVID restrictions

💸 The clinic holding back £500 for a "cancelled cycle" I had to fight for

🍄 Houri's recommendation: medicinal mushrooms and Dr. Trevor Wing

The brutal reality? Tenacity pouring out of your eyeballs. Hope and crushing disappointment on repeat. Having to pick yourself up again and again until there's nothing left.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2026/01/15/chapter-nine-the-straw-that-broke-the-camels-back/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: The Question That Breaks You https://youtu.be/RBRLlPZgsH0

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Mushrooms, Mindset and POF coming soon

🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/ZhZ4TDsj9Lk

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you experienced the exhausting cycle of hope and crushing disappointment?

Have you been told you have a "healthy" reproductive system when things clearly aren't working?

Has your partner said something well-meaning that made you angrier?

Have you realized your fertility doctor doesn't know how to help with underlying issues?

Have you received devastating news alone due to COVID restrictions?

How many times have you had to pick yourself up off the floor?

Do you have tenacity pouring out of your eyeballs even when you're exhausted?

This is a safe space. Share your story in the comments. The exhaustion is real. You're not alone.

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses repeated IVF failure, the emotional exhaustion of constant hope and disappointment, premature ovarian failure (POF), relationship strain when well-meaning comfort doesn't help, being alone during devastating medical news due to COVID restrictions, and the moment when your body gives up even though you're not ready to. Please take care while watching.

WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 10:

Medicinal mushrooms and a new approach

Dr. Trevor Wing at the Women's Natural Health Clinic

"Your estrogen is too high to be in menopause"

Finally, someone not fixated on FSH

Six months of super clean living

Another diet amendment and mindset work

The vaccine question during fertility treatment

BOOK RECOMMENDATION (Not sponsored):

Period Repair Manual: Natural Treatments for Better Hormones and Better Periods by Lara Briden ND

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, exhausting, heartbreaking, hopeful truth about what it means to have tenacity pouring out of your eyeballs when your body won't cooperate.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

COMMUNITY GUIDELINES:

This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation about the exhausting reality of fertility journeys. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Every woman's journey is different, and the exhaustion is real. No judgment about how many times you try, when you stop, or what decisions you make. Just understanding and support.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health, fertility, and emotional journey and is not medical advice. The decisions I faced are deeply personal, and everyone's path is different. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals and mental health providers about your own fertility journey. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience and the questions many women face but rarely discuss openly

March 2020. The fertility consultant said "menopause" and refused treatment. COVID locked us down in Italy. I was dismissed everywhere I turned because I was over 40. And then I had to face the question that shatters every woman on this fertility journey:

What am I willing to do to have a child?

Donor eggs? Would I bond with them? Would they love me? Adoption? Should Marco find someone easier? How far do I push before I accept defeat?

This is about the questions we ask ourselves alone, usually crying, that nobody prepares you for.

In this episode:

😢 The paralysis after being told "no further treatment"

💪 What boundless hope, relentless tenacity, and rock-hard resilience really mean

📧 My desperate emails to Jessica: "I'm grasping at straws"

🔒 COVID lockdown taking away my coping mechanism (running)

🩺 Understanding that fertility clinic doctors aren't fertility specialists

👵 Facing age-related prejudice from medical professionals at 40+

💔 The question that reduced me to pieces: What am I willing to do?

🤱 The donor egg torment: Would I love them? Would they love me?

👶 The adoption question: Should Marco find someone easier?

😭 Breaking down on a bench, unable to pretend to be normal

💍 Offering Marco a way out (and why my friend told me off)

❤️ Marco's answer that changed everything

The brutal truth? This journey requires you to ask yourself impossible questions with no right answers, while everyone tells you you're too old to keep trying.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/12/12/chapter-seven-the-long-road-down/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: The Long Road Down https://youtu.be/RBRLlPZgsH0

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Follicles, Ovulation and the Straw

🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/ZhZ4TDsj9Lk

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you faced the "What am I willing to do?" question on your fertility journey?

Have you considered donor eggs or adoption? What emotions came up?

Have you been dismissed by doctors because of your age?

Have you offered your partner a way out because you felt like a burden?

How do you pick yourself up when hope dissolves?

What does "advanced maternal age" mean to you?

This is a safe space. Share your story in the comments. You're not alone in these questions.

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode discusses the deep emotional trauma of fertility struggles, age-related medical prejudice, difficult decisions about donor eggs and adoption, relationship strain, offering your partner a way out, mental health impacts of repeated dismissal, and the isolation of facing impossible questions. Please take care while watching.

WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 9:

A Zoom consultation with the UK fertility clinic

The journey back to the UK during a pandemic

A scan that shows something unexpected

"Your beautifully healthy reproductive system"

Follicles, perfect timing, and my anger when it still doesn't work

Another scan with different results

Progesterone tablets

The straw that broke the camel's back

KEY MOMENTS FROM THIS CHAPTER:

😭 The first time I was truly paralyzed and silenced

📧 "I'm grasping at straws... Sorry to bother you"

🔒 COVID lockdown: "There were a lot of people walking stuffed dogs"

😤 "Everywhere I turned, I was dismissed because I was over 40"

💡 "Fertility clinic doctors aren't fertility specialists – they're specialists in getting you pregnant"

💔 "What am I willing and happy to do to have a child?"

🤱 "Would I bond with them? Would they love me the same?"

👶 "Marco could find someone else. Why go through all this?"

😢 "I was falling apart, battling a question I didn't want to face"

🚪 "I offered Marco a way out"

❤️ "Just as long as it's with you"

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, heartbreaking, hopeful truth about the questions we all face but rarely talk about.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

COMMUNITY GUIDELINES:

This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation about the hardest questions in fertility journeys. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Every woman's journey and decisions are valid. No judgment. No unsolicited advice. Just understanding and support.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health, fertility, and emotional journey and is not medical advice. The decisions I faced are deeply personal, and everyone's path is different. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals and mental health providers about your own fertility journey. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience and the questions many women face but rarely discuss openly.

When Vindication Met Devastation

December 2019. I'm planning our move to Sicily with military precision, Trello boards, spreadsheets, endless coordination. My hair's growing back, my business is thriving, and we're finally ready to seriously try for a baby.

Then came the 30-hour drive with our cat, a sonogram that proved I'd been right all along, and a fertility consultant who refused to listen. Blood tests on Friday. Devastating results on Saturday. COVID lockdown on Sunday.

We were trapped in Italy with nowhere to turn, and my fertility window was apparently closing for good.

In this episode:

🚗 The epic 2,500km drive to Sicily (with Dory the cat and Dance Monkey on repeat)

✈️ Berlin birthday trip and growing symptoms

🏥 The family GP who actually listened and did a sonogram

🎉 VINDICATION: "You're still ovulating, just not menstruating"

😤 The fertility consultant who sounded exactly like UK GPs: "Menopause"

📊 Blood tests on a Friday that shattered everything

🦠 COVID lockdown trapping us in Italy the next day

😢 When hope dissolves in 48 hours

This chapter covers:

Planning a major international move while managing IBD and fertility

The reality of a 30-hour drive through Europe

Finding a doctor who actually listens (for 60 euros!)

The moment of vindication: proving you're still ovulating

Medical dismissiveness even with evidence

How COVID timing destroyed our fertility plans

Being trapped with nowhere to turn

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/12/12/chapter-seven-the-long-road-down/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Summer in Sicily https://youtu.be/vWJJXx7zT44

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: My Fertility Fight coming next week

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you ever had vindication followed immediately by devastation?

Has a doctor dismissed evidence that contradicted their assumptions?

Did COVID lockdown interrupt your fertility journey or medical treatment?

Have you experienced the fixation on one single hormone despite other evidence?

What does "advanced maternal age" mean to you?

Share your stories in the comments - this is a judgment-free, supportive space.

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses medical dismissiveness, age-related prejudice in fertility treatment, loss of a grandparent, COVID lockdown impact on fertility journeys, and the emotional whiplash from hope to despair.

WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 8:

Reaching out to my homeopath when I had nowhere else to turn

Understanding the prejudice women face with "advanced maternal age"

Why doctors fixate on one hormone instead of the whole picture

The revelation: IVF doctors aren't fertility specialists, they're pregnancy specialists

Marco being my unwavering rock through the tears

A UK clinic webinar during lockdown

The scan showing my "beautifully healthy reproductive system"

Progesterone tablets: the straw that broke the camel's back

KEY MOMENTS FROM THIS CHAPTER:

💪 Finally proving I was still ovulating

😤 "Menopause" - the word that kept coming back

🚫 "No further treatment" via WhatsApp

🦠 COVID walls going up across Italy

💔 Hope dissolving in 48 hours

🔒 Trapped with my fertility window "closing"

✊ Deciding I wasn't done fighting

QUOTABLE MOMENTS:

💬 "You're still ovulating. You've released an egg. You're just not menstruating."

💬 "I knew it. Houri knew it. Jessica knew it."

💬 "No further treatment."

💬 "The next day, COVID hit hard. The walls went up. We were trapped."

💬 "My fertility window was apparently closing for good."

#TheLongRoadDown #FertilityJourney #COVIDLockdown #MedicalDismissiveness #AdvancedMaternalAge #StillOvulating #MenopauseAssumption #FertilityStruggles #IBDJourney #Vindication #ChronicIllness #RealTalk #FilterFree #WomensHealth #FertilityOver40 #PandemicImpact

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

COMMUNITY GUIDELINES:

This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Everyone's journey is valid.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health and fertility concerns. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience and advocating for better patient care.

Can acupuncture really support fertility after 40? I sat down with Houvi Alavi, my acupuncturist, to get honest answers about how this ancient therapy actually works for modern fertility challenges.

In this conversation, we dive into:

✨ The science behind acupuncture and fertility

✨ What acupuncture can specifically address for women over 40

✨ How it regulates hormones and manages stress during the fertility journey

✨ The reality of egg quality vs. quantity

✨ How acupuncture works alongside IVF treatment

✨ What to look for when choosing a fertility acupuncturist

✨ Real expectations and the "magic 3 months" concept

This isn't about miracle cures or false hope; it's about understanding all your options and making informed choices for your unique journey.

Whether you're just starting your fertility journey, supporting IVF, or exploring complementary therapies, this conversation offers practical insights and real wisdom.

Find Houri Alavi: (www.hourialavi.com)

DISCLAIMER: The information in this video is based on personal experience and professional insights, but it's not medical advice. Always consult with your qualified healthcare provider before starting any new treatment.

Your journey is unique to you.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/12/04/finding-the-right-needle-my-journey-with-fertility-acupuncture/

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey through IBD, fertility struggles, and ultimately, hope.

💭 Join the Conversation:

Have you tried acupuncture for fertility or other health issues? What was your experience?

If you're over 40 and on a fertility journey, what's been your biggest challenge so far?

What complementary or alternative therapies have helped you during your fertility journey?

Did anything Houri said surprise you about how acupuncture works?

How do you manage stress during the fertility process? What actually works for you?

Have you found healthcare providers who truly listen and support your journey? Share their approach!

What questions do you wish someone had asked Houri? Drop them below!

For those who've combined acupuncture with IVF - what was your experience?

What's one thing you wish you'd known earlier in your fertility journey?

How do you navigate the advice overload when everyone has an opinion on what you "should" try?

Remember: This is a judgment-free space. Share your story, ask questions, support others. We're all in this together.

Next week: Chapter 7 - The Long Road Down (A road trip to Sicily with life-changing news and a devastating diagnosis)

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

After three months of religiously following the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, the moment finally arrived.

My consultant ran the tests. Inflammation: completely gone. Iron levels: back to normal. And she actually said the words: "You don't have Crohn's."

I was right all along.

But she immediately diagnosed me with Ulcerative Colitis instead. I still didn't agree. And my period? Still missing. Still dismissed as menopause by UK doctors.

What I didn't know was that none of it was what it seemed.

In this episode:

🇮🇹 SCD diet in Sicily (spoiler: SO many eggs)

🏃‍♀️ Running with one disgusting public toilet 🏖️ Beautiful beaches I couldn't enjoy (toilet anxiety)

🥚 The egg-based existence

🪟 Our flat gets burgled while we sleep

📠 Italian bureaucracy: fax machines in 2019

👮 Police who take statements and do nothing

💇‍♀️ Hair falling out by the handful 🩺 The "chocolate teapot" doctor

💆‍♀️ Hair loss treatment: lavender oil and tedious routines

✅ The vindication

❓ New diagnosis (I still disagreed)

📅 My period: still MIA, still not menopause

The truth I didn't know yet: My missing period wasn't what UK doctors claimed. And I was about to find out why.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/28/chapter-six-summer-in-sicily/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: What Do You Want Us to Do Miss Tate?

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Road Trip to Catania coming soon

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from medical gaslighting to finally getting real answers.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

• Have you ever been proven right after doctors dismissed you for months?
• Has anyone given you conflicting diagnoses that didn't make sense?
• What's your experience with the SCD or similar elimination diets?
• Have you experienced hair loss after trauma or medical crisis?
• Has anyone dealt with missing periods being dismissed as "just menopause"?

This is a space for real experiences - share your stories.

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses SCD diet challenges, home burglary, Italian medical bureaucracy, hair loss after trauma, medical vindication, and the mystery of a missing menstrual cycle. Recovery chapter with building intrigue.

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health journey and is not medical advice. The SCD diet worked for me, but it may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns. I have deep respect for the NHS and medical professionals while sharing my personal experiences with the system.

Chapter 5: When I Was Right All Along

Sunday, 16 June, 2019. I'm in A&E. My iron is 81. My inflammation is 97. My body is eating itself.

The doctor asks, "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?"

All I can say is: "I just want someone to make me better."

This is the chapter where I get admitted to hospital. Where they tell me I have characteristics of Crohn's. Where I react to yet more medications. And where I finally take control and save myself.

In this episode:

🏥 A&E to admission: finding a bed at midnight

💉 IV steroids and another sigmoidoscopy

🩺 "You have characteristics of Crohn's"

❌ The consultant who won't hear "allergic reaction"

🤷‍♀️ "How do you go from mild to Crohn's in one month?"

🚫 No dietitian referrals "because NHS doesn't do that anymore"

🍽️ Hospital food when you have severe restrictions (spoiler: just salad)

💊 Prednisolone: my face and legs swell up massively

👵 "I looked like my Great Nan"

📞 "Persevere for 10 more days" - I couldn't

🥗 Discovering the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD)

💪 Within days: running again, symptoms disappearing

🎯 The vindication

✅ I was right all along

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/19/chapter-5-what-do-you-want-us-to-do-miss-tate/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: USA, Menopause and Fight or Flight https://youtu.be/eFvCLtYvbR8

⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Summer in Sicily coming soon

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey through IBD, fertility struggles, and ultimately, hope.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you ever been right about your diagnosis when doctors wouldn't listen?

Has anyone dismissed your suggestion of allergic reactions to medication?

Have you had to research and implement your own treatment when medicine failed?

What alternative approaches have worked for you with chronic illness?

Share your stories - this is a community of people who get it.

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. The supplements and protocols mentioned worked for me but may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns.

#Chapter5 #PatientAdvocacy #MedicalVindication #SpecificCarbohydrateDiet #SCD #IBDRecovery #ChronicIllness #TakingControl #SelfAdvocacy #MedicalGaslighting #IBDJourney #AlternativeHealth #GutHealth #ProvenRight #FilterFree #RealTalk

When Being Over 40 Was "Diagnosis" Enough

April 2019. I felt good travelling through the US - until I returned home and my period vanished. When I went to my doctor, his diagnosis was immediate: menopause. Just because I was over 40.

Funny how they don't apply the same logic to pregnancy, isn't it?

Then came the medical cascade that would land me in A&E with a doctor asking, "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?"

In this episode:

🇺🇸 Travelling with food intolerances (canned tuna and microwave rice in NYC - glamorous!)

🎭 Planning our first Chatty Sicilian events - dreams about to be shattered

👵 The menopause assumption: over 40 = case closed

🩺 When they test FSH but ignore estrogen levels

🏥 The sigmoidoscopy that should never have happened

💊 Mesalazine enemas that pushed me off a cliff

🩸 Losing blood, crippling cramps, feeling like I was on fire

📞 Calling the IBD team on Saturday, hearing back Wednesday

🚑 June 16th: my housemate takes me to A&E

💔 "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?"

The cruel reality: Just as we were launching Chatty Sicilian, everything fell apart. Those events? Cancelled. Never revived.

📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/14/chapter-4-usa-menopause-and-fight-or-flight/

🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast

⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: In Case of Emergency the Toilets are Here, Here and Here https://youtu.be/YGpg-WPxOik

🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/EGSgsScIcus

🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

Have you been dismissed by doctors based on your age alone?

Has anyone assumed menopause without proper testing?

Have you experienced medication that made you worse instead of better?

What's your worst experience with medical bureaucracy and delayed responses?

This is a safe, judgment-free space - share your stories in the comments.

⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses age-based medical discrimination, medication reactions, severe IBD symptoms, and the moment when you realise the medical system isn't helping.

#Chapter4 #MedicalGaslighting #AgeDiscrimination #MenopauseAssumption #IBDCrisis #FertilityJourney #Over40 #AdvancedMaternalAge #MedicalDismissal #ChronicIllness #PatientAdvocacy #IBDFlare #RealTalk #FilterFree

ABOUT THIS SERIES:

From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

📧 CONTACT: [email protected]

📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. The supplements and protocols mentioned worked for me but may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns.