In the final episode of our Avoiding Divorce series, Ellen explores what happens when couples no longer want the same things in life. She breaks down the three main reasons this misalignment occurs, the emotional dynamics that make it worse, and the three principles to help get your relationship back on track. This is about rediscovering or even defining, for the first time, a shared vision for your future—one that keeps you and your partner aligned, connected, and moving forward together.

Part 1: Why Couples Lose Their Shared Vision

Ellen explains how many divorces are driven by couples who say, "We just didn’t want the same things anymore."

3 Reasons for misalignment:

• Goals and priorities diverge over time.
• There was never a shared vision to begin with.
• One partner drastically changes the trajectory of the relationship.

Part 2: Emotional Dynamics That Worsen the Problem

• Loss of respect undermines trust and collaboration.
• Loss of confidence in the plan can lead to pretending and disengagement.
• Emotional withdrawal (discussed in Episode 26, Dead Quiet: Is Stonewalling Killing Your Relationship?) creates distance that grows over time.

Part 3: The Three Principles to Get Back in Sync

Principle 1: Switch off Autopilot and Re-Engage

• Let go of magical thinking—your relationship won’t fix itself.
• Reflect on this question: What will my relationship look like in 10 years if nothing changes?
• Take control of your future and create the relationship you want.

Principle 2: Create a Vision You Can Believe In

• If you're uncertain about your relationship's future, progress will be hard.
• Paint a picture of a realistic future you and your partner would want to stay in.
• This vision needs to reflect both your dreams and your partner's.

Principle 3: Co-Create a Shared Vision

• Once you have clarity, collaborate with your partner to merge your visions.
• Sit on the same side of the table, working as a team to tackle alignment.
• You don’t need to agree on everything—find common ground and create a future you both feel excited about.

Key Takeaways:

• You can reconnect with your partner if you’ve lost your shared vision.
• Start by taking action on your own—get clear on your own vision before involving your partner.
• Build a shared vision that balances both partners' dreams and goals, so you can work toward a future you both want to stay in.

Call to Action:

• Book a Relationship Reset Call at relationshipresetcall.com.
• Follow or subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future episodes.
• Leave a review to help others find the show.
• Share this episode with someone who might need it.

Closing Thoughts:

Ellen reminds listeners that divorce season can become recommitment season—an opportunity to realign and rebuild a stronger, more connected relationship. Relationships aren’t bulletproof, but by cultivating passion, presence, and purpose, you can weather life’s challenges together.

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

All links can be found below.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and with Your Wife.'" - Ellen Dorian
Disclaimer:

The Make More Love show is for information and entertainment purposes only, and reflects the personal opinions and experiences of the host and guests. It is not a substitute for professional advice or guidance in specific situations.



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