On Saturdays, I make love to leisure. On Sundays, I caress the gentle, sweaty folds of relaxation. Yes, we’re all lovers of “time off,” but we never think to question the unholy rhythm it creates—a cessation of nature’s beating heart. The Story tells us clearly: to stratify the days into rude geometries is a sin demanding the utmost punishment. The Story will cut off the feet of any weekend warrior, consume the hands of any weekday apologist.

Invocation

Psalm: “Daddy, the Fuckman”

Liturgical Reading: “The Bird That Learned About Weekends”

Concluding Prayer

Next Tuesday we will be here for you and we will never leave you ever ever ever. The Story is the only source of good in the world, and the only happy truth in a world of uh ohs and nuh uhs.