A baffling tale from outer space.

Kenneth and Eugene discuss the Siren’s Song.

A luxury sailing ship passes too closely to the Ganymede Ultra prison and is overtaken by desperate escaping criminals escaping from the facility.

Montana and the gang are sent to gather up escaping prisoners for the bounty, but when they overtake the hijacked ship, Petrakis, leader of the criminals kills his compatriots rather than let Montana have the bounty because, you know, he’s evil, and he apparently likes to inflict pain.

Petrakis was able to inflict this pain because Montana was, basically, an idiot, and when Lucretia calls him out for it, acknowledging that she’s right, and he quits. And Percy does, too. Right after they deliver their one remaining prisoner.

En route, the are commandeered (completely legally) by a military type, Major Bartlett, escorting a dangerous female prisoner somewhere top secret. Percy, of course, rebels in every way she can. An incredibly convenient and well-timed space anomaly damages the Trans-Utopian, and allows the female prisoner to escape. She releases Petrakis, perhaps on purpose, perhaps not. She does weird things, and exhibits weird powers, slowly eliminating the soldiers as she goes. She also mucks up the navigation of the Trans-Utopian, locking it on a course for the Uranian moon, Miranda.

Percy, once again acting stupid beyond her years, decides not to fix the navigation systems, and goes walkies where she manages to bumble from one escaped prisoner to another. First, she encounters the female, who pronounces Percy “good.” As a reminder, this is the prisoner who released the dangerous lunatic Petrakis, has sabotaged the ship and has slaughtered the soldier. Percy then tucks her into bed and plays music videos for her.

Percy then bumbles into Petrakis, who takes her prisoner as a bargaining chip.

Bartlett reveals that there is a secret base, Phoenix, in orbit around Miranda. It was completely quarantined many years ago because of the Omega 47 virus, which killed everyone. Recently, his prisoner, who goes by the name Ire, left that base on a shuttle, desperate to arrive at Earth. There were escorting her back to the quarantine. It seems that’s where she wants to go, too, as when they arrive, she heads back into the quarantined station.

Petrakis, enamored of his savior, also wants to follow her, taking Percy with him. Bartlett doesn’t care about Petrakis, and goes after Ire. He should have cared, because Petrakis shoots him in the back just before he can apprehend/kill Ire.

Meanwhile… Miranda, the entire moon, decides to explode.

Ire is apparently a manifestation of an alien virus (Omega 47, perhaps?) that was unlocked when tapping the water ice on Miranda. It spread to humans and became sentient, thriving on the human sensation of pain, but now, it’s had enough pain and it dissolves itself, taking Petrakis with it, just before Miranda explodes.

The Trans-Utopian escapes just in the nick of time and it’s business as usual – the subplot of Dante and Percy quitting all forgotten.