Dr. Deborah Heiser is an applied developmental psychologist, TEDx speaker, and founder of The Mentor Project, whose work redefines what life after 40 looks and feels like. A researcher, professor, and award-winning author, Deborah has spent her career studying aging, depression identification, dementia, and the emotional milestones of midlife—including the one most women are never prepared for: menopause. Her mission is to replace silence and shame with community, clarity, and agency.

In this episode of The Pain Gap, we talk about why 90% of women are blindsided by menopause, how “lateral mentorship” (peer-to-peer guidance) can be life-saving, and what it means to treat menopause not as an ending but as a transition—our “second puberty.” Deborah explains the developmental psychology behind midlife generativity, the power of celebrity disclosure (and its limits), and practical ways to build support at home, at work, and online. We also dig into identity shifts, empty nest feelings, and the surprising freedoms many women report post-menopause—less people-pleasing, more purpose.

If you’ve ever felt alone, gaslit, or unsure how to name what your body is doing, this conversation is your handbook for turning hush into help—and finding your circle.

In this episode, we cover:

• The silence problem: why menopause remains taboo and how denial flourishes when no one talks about symptoms.
• “Second puberty”: reframing perimenopause/menopause as a developmental transition, not a decline.
• Lateral mentorship: how peer-to-peer storytelling (friends, podcasts, trusted sites) spreads accurate info fast.
• Community as medicine: why early, honest conversations (start by 40!) reduce fear, stigma, and isolation.
• Identity in midlife: navigating empty nest, shifting purpose, and the generativity drive to give back.
• Post-menopause power: fewer people-pleasing, tighter circles, and directing your impact with intention.
• Workplaces that get it: what HR, managers, and teams can do to support employees through symptoms and care.
• Building your bench: how to find (and be) mentors at work, in community groups, and online.
• Aging with purpose: creating your own “boxes,” choosing where to invest time, and living with vim, vigor, and fun.

Episode Resources:

The Pain Gap

Dr. Deborah Heiser

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