The words people use can provide insights into what keeps a conflict going. It's a conflict competency to notice the past, present or future tense of words, including your own. Listen to people's word spacers, such as 'er' and 'um' and what words they emphasize or repeat. Even silence or pauses between words can be significant, such as Tyson's 7 second pause while he considers his words. Listening to the actual words, and how they're spoken, raises curiosity about whether something in their past, or context about their present, or concern about their future contributes to the reason(s) the conflict is sticking around.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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