Some conflict competencies are subtle and invisible to others. Two skills start as small differences in your approach to conflict that lead to a big difference in outcomes. One skill applies to your mindset, and what you believe. The other skill applies to your behaviour, and what you do. Together, these two conflict competencies are powerful tools in your conflict competency toolbox.

Show notes:
Episode #5, How to change the other person in a conflict.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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What would your situation look like if you weren't afraid? Fear is a 360 degree driver of conflict, from starting conflict to escalation, to creating impasse, to preventing implementation of an agreement. There are conflict competencies for meeting the fears that hold you back from having difficult conversations. We discuss some of those conflict competencies, and demonstrate how they might improve the quality of your relationships.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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No one is born conflict competent. Over time, we learn complex communication. The quality of our relationships improves. In this second take on what skills we wish our younger selves had known, we move up a decade to slightly more advanced conflict competencies: perspective taking, and graciously accepting that loving critics give feedback we might need to hear (even if we don't like it).

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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Conflict competence improves quality of relationships. Building community improves quality of life. In this era of loneliness, where friends are so important, are your relationships dependent on your friends having opinions you agree with or like? Here are some strategies for sharing conflicting points of view (POV) without it causing conflict. Improve your conflict competence, have friends, build community, improve quality of life.

Show notes
Episode 64: How is self awareness a conflict competency?

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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No one is born conflict competent. Babies don't negotiate, they demand. Over time, we grow up and learn people skills. The quality of our relationships improves. For some, with homes that nurture learning these skills, conflict competence comes early and easy. For some, like me, home wasn't a calm and conflict competent environment. My learning conflict competence was a long, slow and deliberate undertaking. After breaking up with my family at 20, I learned to appreciate them using my conflict competencies. Now, we're close and loving. Learning conflict competencies improved the quality of my relationships with dozens of family members. Here's what I'd tell my 20-year-old self, to speed up the learning process.

show notes
Episode 52: When conflict competency doesn’t work for you.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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If you find yourself sharing space, whether with a partner, roommate, family, or stranger, it's a good idea to agree with them on a conflict management plan. But, if you didn't have an agreement on how to resolve conflicts before you have a conflict, it isn't too late to invite the discussion. Here are some suggestions.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

The conflict competency I use most often is conflict analysis. You want to answer the right question and resolve the correct conflict, which means analyzing what's really going on. Look beneath the surface, and dig deeper than motives and personalities. These two novels demonstrate the types of analysis that get to the heart of the conflict.

show notes:
The two novels are:
The Man Who Saw Seconds, by Alexander Boldizar. (2024)
Blue Ticket, by Sophie Mackintosh. (2020)

Other episodes about conflict analysis are:
Episode #8, What is a conflict analysis?
Episode #10, How integrating ideas helps you manage conflict.
Episode #75, What movie, show or book shows conflict well done?

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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This is the third episode on what makes a good question in conflict situations. We look at the purpose you want your question to serve in the conflict you’re having. The conflict competence is to use good questions as an invitation into a conversation. We show you how. 

Show notes
Episode 72: what’s a good question when you’re calm may not land the same way on someone you’re in a conflict with. Here are suggestions for asking good questions in conflicts.
Episode 74: what’s a good question at the start of a conflict may not be the right question for a different time in a continuing conflict. Here are suggestion for asking good questions at the right time in conflicts.

A Conflict Analysis of Why: In conflict situations, questions starting with the word ‘why’ can make the conflict worse. Here’s why, outlined in my article A Conflict Analysis of Why: https://deborahsword.com/a-conflict-analysis-of-why/

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Are there times when trying dialogue is wasted time? A listener mentions our polarized political climate, and asks if dialogue is always the way to approach emotionally charged differences in opinion. If it's time to stop trying, how would you know? How would you quit trying? Here are some examples of conflict competent responses when dialogue isn't helpful.

show notes:
Episode 38. What's more effective than calling out someone you disagree with? I discuss Dr. Loretta Ross's book, Calling In: how to start making change with those you'd rather cancel.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

It's an accepted truth of the creative community that conflict is story. No conflict, no story. No conflict is boring, not drama. Or no dramatic story that anyone wants to read or watch. What are the conflict competencies we can learn from rewriting the script of the conflicts in stories so the characters talk to each other before the conflict becomes the story? We rewrite Romeo and Juliet so that it ends in a wedding rather than funerals.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.